The Darwin Awards

One of THE GREATEST websites out there - the Darwin Awards

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

(25 August 2010, Daejon, South Korea) VIDEO NEWS! A handicapped man, annoyed that an elevator closed and departed without him, thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but three times in all--only to plunge down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death. Simultaneous success and failure combine to earn the 40-year-old "Angry Wheelchair Man" lasting immortality as a Darwin Award winner.

http://youtu.be/VwOy_V7TXKI

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor, well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

SAVING THE BEST 'TIL LAST!
Incident circa November 8, 2006. News only now reaching the ears of Charles Darwin. From HIS ears to your eyes. Sunderland, England paramedics found a prone man suffering injuries including a scorched colon, caused by a Black Cat Thunderbolt rocket. The 22-year-old had, unbelievably, inserted this rocket in his back side, laid down on his front side, and lit the fuse in an attempt to make the rocket fly up into the air. But it was pointing the other way! The regional Firework Association chairman spoke for us all when he said, "This sort of thing is beyond belief."

 

A truely great website. My personal favourites is the circus midget who got swallowed by the Hippo. Basically he bounced off a trampoline at a wierd angle and landed in its mouth. The audience thought it was part of the act and started clapping. Sadly it was too late for the other performers to do anything

 

I had the book years ago, can't remember what I've done with it. There was a good one in the 'Honourable Mention' section (morons who managed to survive their own idiocy) about a lad that tried to syphon petrol from a motorhome and sucked from the wrong tank. You can work out the rest.

 

Thank you Charles Darwin for your hard-graft, determination and scientific foresight, without which we would be:

A. Absolutely ****ing ******ed, Bible-loving Creationists, and
B. Unable to laugh at the unbelievable stupidity of some reet fick ****s who kill themselves with aubergines and Swan Vestas.

 

One of the best, from a few years ago, was the drunken Polish, juggling with chainsaws...