The "Collection"

So where do you w*nkers hide your stash of filth?

I got told off by the missus when my eldest found mine a few years ago when she was a crawler. She opened the "sock drawer" and started to pull out lots of colourful pictures of happy people. Not the most original place but it was a hang over from my batchelor days living on my own when no other nosey sod went through my stuff.

There are a couple of DVD's in the bedroom that the other half knows about (tame stuff that she's not minded watching) but the offensive material is wrapped up with clothes in the seasonal drawer under the bed (the one with t-shirts in winter and jumpers in summer) so I can only hope they don't get found. She might not be pleased to find F**k The Babysitter Vol 8 tucked away.

I have a few suits in those dust cover bags you can get hanging up in the wardrobe, these are an excellent place to stash the mags as my missus has no reason at all to go near them. I might as well hide my porn in the cleaning cupboard because the lazy cow never goes anywhere near the hoover, safest place in the house.

When I was a teen tugger I kept some under the mattress but one day my Dad changed the bed and I never saw them again. To this day he's said nothing! Always wondered if he chucked them out or had a swift one off the wrist himself!

So where's yours?

 

in my temp history files

 

I used to stash my mags under my mattress. Periodically, they would disappear. Nothing was ever said about it.

 

Got some DVDs at her hoose. None at home. Gotta love the Internet.

 

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I very rarely watch porn, I can think up much filthier stuff in my head.

 

Although I too am rather depraved I am also a lazy cnut and sometimes like to look at other people doing awful things to each other rather than have to rely on my imagination.

 

I would have been in jail long ago if my imagination was made into a film.

 

I had to ditch all my porn when I moved back from Cloggieland.

I just use the internet these days.

 

Just not Ebony porn of course.

 

We make our own homemade films so no need to hide it from Mrs Gas

 

Nowt worse than starting to watch filth and the bird is giving it the biggun to the camera, touching the bits and bobs and all that, my hand is drifting towards the box of Kleenex, when along comes sambo to stick it to her. Instant fail. Don't like watching the bredren giving it to whitey and don't find dark ladies at all hump-worthy. I can just about cope with Oriental birds.

 

I enjoyed masturbating to the last one. Any more?

 

Loads more but what we really need is someone to do the camerawork for us. The tripod is ok but can't get close ups or different angles

I may have to advertise.

 

Monacco's depraved imagination and Grove's racist penis on the same thread - this definitey wins!

 

I hide my Readers' Wives in a pile of old FourFourTwo magazines

I only own three films of a blue nature, and they're hidden in my 2004, 2005 and 2008 Hull City commemorative promotion DVDs

 

This is going to be the name of my debut album!

 

He said last week "I just think i have a racist penis" I don't think I've ever laughed at a single statement on here so much in my life

 

You ever heard of Stoya? American bird, part Jock. I saw an interview of hers were she was moaning about how racist the company she was contracted to were, because she was begging to work with some Bournville-coloured **** and they were telling her she had to wait to do an interracial scene

The best part is, she clearly thought too much of herself to just call the bloke and ask him if he fancied a ****

PS. Also, I think the bloke in question was in the papers recently as the US porn industry had been forced to shut down for a month, as he'd contracted syphilis, told nobody and spread it to a dozen birds