The barnsley joke page

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend, well... She was a dream!!!!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was 20 years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.

She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day, little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that I was soon to be married and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome, and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said ''I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me.''

I was stunned, and I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight for the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, ''We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family !''

The moral of this story is;-.....................

''Always keep your condoms in your car''

 

I was at Heathrow in the Arrivals Hall waiting for my sister.

When I saw her I shouted “Hi sis”
.......

Never seen so many armed police in my life

 

My girlfriend was going to the hairdressers.

She asked me what cut would make her more attractive.

Seems that a power cut wasn’t the right answer .....

 

Midwife for sale.

Can deliver.

 

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My Doctor prescribed me some Anti-Gloating cream .

I can't wait to rub it in !

 

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s difficult to put down

 

A cheese sandwich walks into a bar and says "Pint of lager please "

Landlord replies:

"I’m sorry but we don't serve food here"

 

Man walks into a pub with a roll of tarmac tucked under his arm.

"Two pints of lager please Landlord....... one for me and one for the road"

 

Donald Trump was overheard bemoaning North and South Korea, wishing that they’d be as nice and quiet as their neighbours East and West Korea

 

I came second in a Winston Churchill look alike competition

Close but no cigar.....