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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6441
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6442
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I got arrested for kicking the crap out of some fat bastard last week.
    • It turns out Fat Fighters isn"t quite what I thought it was.
     
    #6443
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    If you leave a child in your car during this hot Glasgow weather please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a fag
     
    #6444
    kiwiqpr, Jul 29, 2019
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Cute dog is a savage little ****
    By
    Quentin D Fortesqueue
    -
    A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards.
    The survey which was carried out by Which Pet magazine has proven conclusively that all little dogs with fluffy cute faces are in reality “psychotic double hard bastards.”
    The first national survey of its kind found that really cute little dogs such as West Highland Terriers, Yorkies and Shih Tzus are all harbouring murderous grudges behind their cuddly facade.
    Among the findings were that Bichon Frises would definitely eat alive any stranger who comes near their front gate if they were “just a little bit bigger.
    Speaking on behalf of small fluffy dogs throughout the UK, Gordon, a four year old Lhasa Apso, said;
    “You better watch out mother ****er or I am going to mess you up. Let me at em, let me at em…”
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    #6445
    kiwiqpr, Jul 29, 2019
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6446
    kiwiqpr, Jul 29, 2019
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6447
    kiwiqpr, Jul 30, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6448
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6449
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    These Government cut backs to our armed forces - are really taking the piss now.......

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    #6450
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6451
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6452
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, BluefromBridgend, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    After finding 3 mars bars , 2 snickers , and 4 packets of m+m's

    I realised i wasn't cut out to be a bounty hunter.........
     
    #6453
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 31, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A bloke from Barnsley goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue of mi pet whippet?"
    The goldsmith says 'of course I can, then asks: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
    The man replies :"Nay ye daft lad....' chewin' a bone'll do fine."
     
    #6454
    kiwiqpr, Aug 1, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6455
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 1, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar.
    • The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.
    • "Y"ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame.
    • Why, in Glasgow there"s a wee bar called McTavish"s.
    • Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
    • "Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
    • "Ahhh, that"s nuttin," said the Irishman.
    • "Back home in Dublin there"s O"Driscoll"s Bar.
    • Now, the moment you set foot in the place they"ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
    • Then, when you"ve had enough drinks, they"ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
    • "Wow," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
    • "Not me, myself, personally, no," said the Irishman "but it happened to me sister!"
     
    #6456
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 1, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6457
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 1, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6458
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 2, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I hear that the credit crunch is even affecting fairgrounds.
    • My friend's a dodgems operator and he lost his job this morning.
    • He's suing for funfair dismissal.
     
    #6459
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 2, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6460
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2019
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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