The Ball boy's rant

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and w**king furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little maggots sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely bugger all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at the Liberty Stadium at any time so far this season.

You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.

I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.

I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Jenkins is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it.

In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Hell, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.

Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.

So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate barstewards; leave this club now and don’t you bloody dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrotum, so frankly you can just all bugger off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again.

I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-thru in the near future.

Yours sincerely



Swansea Ball boy

 

you eat at McDonald's

 

Not me the Swansea ball boy!......................

 

Well this is curious. A 'rant' from someone who seemingly whinges about having money taken off him but doesn't go to games then criticises from behind his keyboard. What's even more delicious is that it's so obviously a cut n' paste job. You just don't have the vocabulary, and certainly not a semblance of original thought.

What a pile of horseshit.

 

What "sitters" did we miss?

 

Talking of horse ****, your full of it Knickersjack!.......................

 

The ones you missed while at the bar!

 

I sat there and watched a great football match.

 

Your not a toffee now then?

 

Don't deflect attention from your failure to account for the fact that we didn't miss any sitters, did we.

 

Should have gone to specsavers

 

I can't say I saw any out and out howlers - and I was only 20 yards from the goal.

 

Should have gone to the game. Clueless

 

and laudrup did.. your both clueless...

 

And who says I wasn't? You!!!...............................

 

fu.ck you wan.kaboy

 

Dai it's like trying to educate bloody Rita!.......................

 

you can do one as well wan.kaboy. Fu.ck the pair of you Good night you plastic wan.kas

 

What's up PGF? Lost for meaningful words?........................

 

Has anyone ever suggested psychaitric help for you before? You and DragonPhil are just two very bitter old men who clearly have no clue and don't go the matches. I've seen some rubbish posted on football forums before but you two take the biscuit. You're just plastics who have nothing to offer and just try and pick on other posters who disagree with you. They disagree because their iq is in double figures and they are adults
GOODNIGHT