Off Topic THE ALL NEW PREDICTION THREAD OF GUESSING AND DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!

Predict the following:

Where Newcastle will finish in 5 seasons time:
Who will be club captain in 5 seasons time:
Who our top scorer will be in 5 seasons time:
What colour our away kit will be in 5 seasons time:
How many kits we'll have to utilise to cope with the rigorous demand of playing 19/23 other teams whose kits don't really clash with black and white, in 5 seasons time:
What one fellow Not606er's life will be like in 5 years time:

Points are awarded for correct predictions, severe deductions for incorrect predictions, or anything that displeases our hybrid-monkey-badger overlords, in the severely unlikely event this thread is revisited in 5 years time, should ACS be trampled to death under a freak herd of elderly shopper's in the location of Fenwick's window, or otherwise informative on-topic posts be barred when I am elected King of the board

 

7th in The Championship
Sammy
Sammy
Sammy's Favourite Colours of Yellow/Pink/Orange
4 Kits
(I would add that Shola will be Manager)

BRS - life in a padded cell AKA JPF's dungeon, strapped to a Sammy shaped chair, surrounded by wall to wall murals of Sammy, Shola and Pardew

Doesn't seem too bad does it?...

 

Where Newcastle will finish in 5 seasons time:- 8th
Who will be club captain in 5 seasons time: Lascelles
Who our top scorer will be in 5 seasons time:- Mitro
What colour our away kit will be in 5 seasons time:- Pink (I hope)
How many kits we'll have to utilise to cope with the rigorous demand of playing 19/23 other teams whose kits don't really clash with black and white, in 5 seasons time: 5
What one fellow Not606er's life will be like in 5 years time: Obi will hit the heights of 30 stone due to poor diet and high alcohol. He will relocate to Durham and live in a caravan down by a river, near a small bridge.
There he will sit, demanding payment for bridge crossings and other 'services' till his final days pass.

 

Where Newcastle will finish in 5 seasons time:- Newcastle will finish 4th. Unfortunately this will be in a 4-team Premier League comprised of Arsenal, Man Utd, Newcastle and Everton, the only 4 teams who were not relegated to the Championship due to failure to comply with Financial Fair Play rules.
Who will be club captain in 5 seasons time: Coloccini Jnr
Who our top scorer will be in 5 seasons time:- Riviere (with 1)
What colour our away kit will be in 5 seasons time:- White and Black Stripes
How many kits we'll have to utilise to cope with the rigorous demand of playing 19/23 other teams whose kits don't really clash with black and white, in 5 seasons time: In 5 seasons time teams will change their kits on a weekly basis, supporters kits will be programmable so that colours and logos can be changed depending on what team is wearing that week.
What one fellow Not606er's life will be like in 5 years time: Surprised Pervert will have won Mastermind having chosen as a specialist topic "The reasons why Alan Pardew's reign at Newcastle should be considered a success".

 

Where Newcastle will finish in 5 seasons time: Top of the Premier League thereby gaining promotion to the "Sky's The World League" European Division XIII

Who will be club captain in 5 seasons time: Sammi Ameobi for the 3rd year running having returned from a successful loan spell at Cardiff.

Who our top scorer will be in 5 seasons time: Stevie Ameobi the youngest and purportedly the best Ameobi.

What colour our away kit will be in 5 seasons time: We won't wear kit as this will have been abandoned the previous year when JPF bought out the extremely popular Sir Mike Ashley with all the money made in selling "The Dungeon" to a recently formed investment company called Wan Chips.

How many kits we'll have to utilise to cope with the rigorous demand of playing 19/23 other teams whose kits don't really clash with black and white, in 5 seasons time: See above.

What one fellow Not606er's life will be like in 5 years time: Mr T will be Britain's Peace Ambassador to the EU after having won the Nobel Peace Prize for services to Sport and the Betting Industry.

 

Where Newcastle will finish in 5 seasons time: 14th in the PL still going round in circles
Who will be club captain in 5 seasons time: Jack Colback because he's from Newcastle blah blah blah
Who our top scorer will be in 5 seasons time: Luka Jovic - in his second season here - just before he moves onto to better things
What colour our away kit will be in 5 seasons time: green and yellow
How many kits we'll have to utilise to cope with the rigorous demand of playing 19/23 other teams whose kits don't really clash with black and white, in 5 seasons time: 6
What one fellow Not606er's life will be like in 5 years time: JPF will be a fully fledged mackem. He won't have even seen the change happening. Its in the water. He'll be dipping his dick in some mackem slag, he'll no longer be in control of his dungeon, he'll 14 kids, only 3 of them his with 6 other fathers to contend with, and his sixth digit will be almost fully grown on both hands. He'll be happy clapping his way to 17th every season, saying "next year is the year like, finally North East top dogs, Short really cares about us man, wa ganna be top ten like. With Peter Reid back, he'll be peeling oppo defences open like bananas"