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The 7 Creatures of the transfer window

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Beatski, Jun 23, 2011.

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  1. Beatski

    Beatski Well-Known Member

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    saw this here on reddit, and thought i should share it with not606 since most wouldnt see it otherwise.
    Some sound strangely familiar...



    1) The Eternal Optimist

    Don't worry about a thing, 'cos every seemingly ridiculous signing will be alright. Sold your best striker and replaced him with a dud from the second tier of French football? Eh, it can be hard to score goals in that division, English football will suit him. The Eternal Optimist will spin everything so that it makes perfect sense.

    Natural Habitat: A Betting Shop

    Most likely to say: "The manager knows what he's doing."

    Least likely to say: "We've signed WHO?"

    2) The Football Manager Addict

    Never heard of a player and have no idea how he'd fit in at your club? Just find the Football Manager Addict. They'll be able to give you a rundown of his strengths, weaknesses, positional ability, shot strength, attitude, sell-on value and how good they'll be in five years. Who needs to actually watch football anyway!?

    Natural Habitat: University Halls of Residence

    Most likely to say: "I know it's not real BUT..."

    Least likely to say: "I've renewed my season ticket."

    3) The Apathetic

    Jaded by years of transfer windows these people have seen it all. Cynical about any link with a player they take everything with a tonne of salt. Always ready to hose down your excitement about the possibility of a signing, frustratingly they're correct more often than not.

    Natural Habitat: On a Higher Plane

    Most likely to say: "There's no point speculating until he's pictured with the shirt on."

    Least likely to say: "The deal is almost done, I read it on Twitter."

    4) The Committed Pessimist

    It’s all going wrong. It is. Perhaps they predicted doom wrongly last year but this time they really mean it. The club is going the wrong way. A slippery slope to nowhere. So you've just signed a world class player? Pah, what's world class these days? He could get injured on the first day of the season and then what? A new keeper, two defenders, a midfielder or three, and a top class striker are essential to avoid the fate they are predicting – and even then it will be a close run thing.

    Natural Habitat: Football Forums

    Most likely to say: "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist."

    Least likely to say: "We're looking good for next season."

    5) The In-The-Know

    This creature literally thrives at this time of year and is lesser spotted outside of it. They won't reveal why they know what they know but they'll tell you that they know it. They just know y'know. They know what you don’t know but would like to know yet they never know anything that would be boring to know as that wouldn’t be worth them knowing. Now you know.

    Natural Habitat: In the Pub or on Twitter

    Most likely to say: "Just trust me."

    Least likely to say: "I've no idea."

    6) The Wind-up Merchant

    Of course your best player wants to leave, you're a small club. Last season was your peak and so next season will be your trough. Its better you accept it now. You're a selling club. Not in the market for best players. Basically find the most controversial angle on any subject and the Wind Up Merchant will take it to a new level.

    Natural Habitat: On the payroll at TalkSPORT

    Most likely to say: "If you disagree, you know how to get in touch."

    Least likely to say: "I could be wrong as it’s just my opinion after all."

    7) The Sufferer of Premature Elation

    A lack of football can lead to a certain level of delirium for these people. Just the slightest rumour can result in them proposing formations for next season to suit the player's strengths, making up chants, and contacting the club shop to see what number shirt the player will be wearing.

    Natural Habitat: Pacing Any Room Repeatedly

    Most likely to say: "Where should I get the tattoo?"

    Least likely to say: "It'll never happen."
     
    #1
    Beatski, Jun 23, 2011
  2. Geordie Gashead

    Geordie Gashead Active Member

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    Tash
     
    #2
    Geordie Gashead, Jun 23, 2011
  3. why aye jims eye

    why aye jims eye Member

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    Haha quality
     
    #3
    why aye jims eye, Jun 23, 2011
  4. Gaddafi's Hat

    Gaddafi's Hat Member

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    Brilliant. I would say I am a mix of number 1 and 2.

    HTL.
     
    #4
    Gaddafi's Hat, Jun 23, 2011
  5. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    That was my favourite part. <laugh>

    I'm definitely 3. <ok>
     
    #5
    u408379965, Jun 23, 2011
  6. UNITEDTOON

    UNITEDTOON Member

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    Good thread!!
     
    #6
    UNITEDTOON, Jun 23, 2011
  7. Badgers Assemble

    Badgers Assemble Well-Known Member

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    Nice thread <ok>
    Im a mix of 3 and 4 :D
     
    #7
    Badgers Assemble, Jun 23, 2011
  8. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    Until it's confirmed on the official site I'm going to reserve my judgement.
     
    #8
    overseasTOON, Jun 23, 2011
  9. gotcoffee

    gotcoffee Member

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    #9
    gotcoffee, Jun 23, 2011
  10. Donkey Toon

    Donkey Toon Active Member

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    Mixture of 1 & 3 for me.
     
    #10
    Donkey Toon, Jun 23, 2011

  11. StoneyNUFC

    StoneyNUFC Member

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    1 and 3 - though the occasional hint of 7 lol :)
     
    #11
    StoneyNUFC, Jun 23, 2011
  12. Beatski

    Beatski Well-Known Member

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    #12
    Beatski, Jun 23, 2011
  13. skalpel

    skalpel Active Member

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    <laugh> I missed this first time around too. Hilarious read.
     
    #13
    skalpel, Jun 23, 2011
  14. Leon Bessi

    Leon Bessi Active Member

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    The Committed Pessimist=Tiote
     
    #14
    Leon Bessi, Jun 23, 2011
  15. Welshie

    Welshie Chavcunt fanboy dickhead

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    Cwarr = number 5 <laugh>
     
    #15
    Welshie, Jun 23, 2011
  16. LTF

    LTF Well-Known Member

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    We probably all think we could liken someone we know to each of these characters, I'm definitely no 3. :cheesy:
     
    #16
    LTF, Jun 23, 2011
  17. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    I'm an out and out number 2 here <laugh>
     
    #17
    KingoStarr, Jun 23, 2011
  18. G4rdToonArmy

    G4rdToonArmy Well-Known Member

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    LOVE it GREAT POST
     
    #18
    G4rdToonArmy, Jun 23, 2011
  19. Speedo

    Speedo Active Member

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    7 all the way...
     
    #19
    Speedo, Jun 23, 2011
  20. MagpieMuzz

    MagpieMuzz Active Member

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    I'd say I'm probably a mixture of 2 and 3
     
    #20
    MagpieMuzz, Jun 23, 2011
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