No sexual discrimination against the well endowed is implied in the title fellas. I just meant the one-liners that people like the recently late Frank Carson used to have me in stitches - here's a few of his "sick" ones: - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't think my wife loves me very much. When I had a heart attack, she wrote for an ambulance. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: âYouâve got three minutes to live.â The man said: âCan you do something for me?â âYes,â he said. âIâll boil you an egg.â ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fella went to see his doctor and the doc told him "I've got some good news and bad news". "What's the good news?" said the fella. The doctor said "You've got 24 hours to live". The fella said "Well if that's the good news, what's the bad news?" The doctor said "I should have told you yesterday".
Real story. An uncle of mine was in hospital, seriously ill. We went to visit and he told us the doctor had said he'd have to take a tablet a day for the rest of his life. He'd complained as the doctor had only given him 3 tablets.
www.conjunctivis.com - - - Now there's a site for sore eyes. statistically 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy. Saw an RAC patrol man sitting in his van with his head in his hands. i said, "He's heading for a breakdown and on the last day God invented orgasms - - just so women can moan even when they are happy.
some west ham ones: -Kevin Nolan is having a medical at West Ham. Presumably he's getting his head examined. -------------- Football news: Sam Allardyce is to undergo surgery and will miss west hams next three matches. Lucky bastard!
William Shakespeare walked into a pub and the barman said "Get out, you're bard" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've just finished reading a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment. It's called Man or Myth --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't.
A man walked into a bar. He said 'ouch', it was a metal bar. .................................................... A polar bear walked into a bar. He said 'can I have a pint of beer................................................and a whisky. The barman asked, ' why the big pause?'. The bear said 'I'm a Polar Bear'. ...................................................... A giraffe walked into a bar and asked for a free drink. The bar man said, 'you've got some kneck'. ..................................................... A man walked into the doctors with a duck on his head. The doctor said 'how did this happen'. The duck replied, 'it started as a pimple on my arse'.
remember the qualities of a prefect girlfriend...beautiful,intelligent,gentle,thoughtful,innocent,trustworthy,sensible.or in other words.............................................B.I.G.T.T.I.T.S. went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. locals were shouting "****phile" and other names at me,just because my girlfriend is 21 and i'm 50. it completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. i was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. by turning to religion i was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. i converted to islam and we are stoning her in the morning. th-th-th-thats all folks.
Classic Carson - you can just imagine him delivering this one. A man goes into Boots and says: âHave you got Viagra?â âDo you have a prescription?,â asks the chemist. âNo,â he replies, âBut Iâve got a photograph of the wife...â
Whats black white black white black white black white black white black white black white black white A penguin rolling down a hill Whats black white red black white red black white red black white red black white red black white red black white red black white red A penguin with a flick knife rolling down a hill
what are the three worst things about being an egg? 1- it takes you 10 minutes to go hard 2- you only get laid once 3 - the only bird to ever sit on your face in your mum!
At the stroke of midnight a ghost walked into a bar and asked for a whisky But they don't serve spirits after 11 o'clock
This could only be Tommy Cooper I knocked on the door of a boarding house late one night and an upstairs window flew open. A woman shouted "what do you want?" I said "I want to stay here". She said "well stay there then" and shut the window.
Some more Tommy Cooper for you Sparkey. Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books. And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said Yes, this is my livelihood.'
What are hippies for? Keeping your leggies on. Boom boom!! How do you know when you're in bed with an elephant? He's got an "E" on his pyjamas. I'll get me coat.
