Away from football for a moment and lets have a larf! How often is it that a good clean joke is so much funnier and a man's gotta have a good repertoire for those family occasions. So if you have any lets see them written down here 'My mates pet mouse Elvis died today, he was caught in a trap!
> Teacher to class: "what does your dad do at wkends?" Little boy: "He"s a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the moneys good he has sex wiv the punters, he'll let them do anything they want. Teacher takes him aside , ''Is that true''... Little boy '' nah miss its bollox, he plays for Liverpool but im too embarrassed to say ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................ > My wife came home from Work to find me sitting watchin the football. "I've decided to leave you, all you do is talk bout football you think bout nothing else'' she said and im seeing someone else'' ''realy ?'' i said, ''what team does he support'' .................................................................................................................................. > I had a car crash the other day.A dwarf got out the other car.I said to him ''are you o.k''. he said ''im not happy''.So I said to him ''which one are you then'' _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ > Husband says to his wife tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time" wife replies ''ok, you've got a bigger knob than your brother !! > ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' > A man walks into a crowded bar with a loaded gun and shouts ''who,s been ****in my wife''? Suddenly, a voice in the back shouts 'you aint got enough bullets !! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >2 indian junkies snorted curry powder instead of cocaine Both were rushed to hospital ones in a korma the other's got a dodgy tikka ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Bought the wife a fur coat made out of 3,600 hamster skins and took her to Blackpool... Couldn't get the ****er off the Big Wheel for 2 ****in days ............................................................................................................................................................................................... > I don't know about you but I personally felt uncomfortable watching the women's weightlifting as the commentator was saying "some women's snatches are cleaner then others'' ...................................................................................................................................................................................................... > Paddy is painting his lounge,his wife walks in and says "your doin a realy good job,but why are you wearing a leather jacket AND a parker !" Paddy says '' HELLLOOOO! read the fuggin tin, it says for best results put two coats on !!!'' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Some bloke was playing a game wiv his wife. She had to guess the flavour of the condom, she couldn't wait t get started....down she goes & shouts '' Cheese n Onion'' he says '' give us a fuggin chance i aint got one on yet'' ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................... > The other day I came home early from work to find my wife spread out on our bed vigorously awaiting my sexual advances. The poor girl was so horney for me she never even realised my mate Dave was under the bed looking for a DVD he lent me
John Terry won't be facing trial for racial abuse until after Euro 2012. So he's free to lead his country into Poland. Just like his hero did.
Young lad see's his mum and dad having it off. Say's to his dad. "I wanna watch, I wanna watch" His mum say's " O.K. son straight back to bed now there's a good lad" And I'll take you to the jewellers first thing Saturday morning" TAXI!
A Chinese man is talking to his English neighbour over the garden fence! " Your house an my house exacree the same yeh?". His neighbour says "Yes ,I think so!" " Same nummer of rooms, same size rooms, yeh?" Again , he says "I think so!" He then asks the question " When you decorate your stairway, landing and lounge , how many rolls of wallpaper you buy?" He recieves the answer, "Twelve!" The next week the two are chatting over the fence and the Chinese fellow says "I decorate my house an I only use seven roll wallpaper. I have five roll left over!" His neighbour says" That sounds about right , I had five rolls left over myself!"
