Stars in their eyes.....

Matthew Kelly..." We have tonight audience a young man who has not only displayed a remarkable talent but also a will and determination to succeed which I'm sure will move even the hardest of us to tears.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Simon "

At this point a young fella hobbles onto the stage, barely able to walk and severely disfigured.

" Good evening Simon, please could you tell us about your remarkable journey "

" Well Matthew, a few years ago I had just been signed up as a recording artist and my singing talents had been regarded as the best since Elvis. One day my uncle Bob was driving me to the studio when he got distracted and drove into the back of a JCB.

It was terrible Matthew and I'm still haunted to this day, I lost both my arms and legs, had severe facial injuries and ruptured my vocal chords. However the most devastating thing was uncle Bob was killed outright.

I was in intensive care for a year, recovering from what turned out to be the kindest thing imaginable, my uncle Bob's donor card made it possible for the surgeons to transplant his limbs onto my body. After 3 years I regained my voice and started singing again, determined to achieve what I had always dreamed of. I only hope uncle Bob is looking down on me from above to see this happen tonight Matthew"

" Simon..(wiping tears from eyes), that is a truly moving story, who are you going to be for us tonight "

" Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and half uncle "

 

Oh dear Jim, where on earth do you come up with them from?

Cruel but funny. Rep.

 

I groaned out loud when I got to the punch line...

The guys near me in the office asked if I was OK so I've faked a leg cramp...

Tried to rep you but I have to spread it (ooeer missus)