St Carver's Day

After the mid-week self annointed beatification of St Carver, today we will see his true worth in the field of coaching.

The miracle of a 3-1 victory will indeed see 52,000 paying homage to his godliness by forming a joyful queue to kiss his feet.

 

After the the 1-4 mauling today St John of Carver goes to his martyrdom with great bravery. As the teams leave the field, he walks out, tonsured and barefoot with a shepherd's crook. The fans betray their saint by chucking bottles of urine and brown bags of flaming dog **** at him. He still stands there, proud to the scorn and bile.

A massive horn blows and three lions enter the arena. They circle poor John and then maul him to near death. Just as they are about to deliver the coup de grace, a lone, rotund, bald figure runs into the stadium. It is none other than Lee Ryder. His mere disgusting presence sees the lions off. He stands beside his mentor. Crying, he removes a black and white hanky, attempting forlornly to stem the copius blood loss of the dying Carver. Ryder, enraged and screaming some sort of warcry, charges into the crowd before being torn apart and partially eaten by the enraged mob. Carver, with his last breath, stands and drives the crook into the ground, causing some divine earthquake, collapsing the stadium and entombing all within. A blessed end to the life of St John of Carver.

 

Hmmmm, "entombing all within". Think I might boycoutt this one.

 

I would buy a ticket for that no problem

 

That's all well and good but where's the vegetarian option.

 

JC is our lord and savior.

 

Tidied.