Welcome aboard fellow Saints, to my first ever Match Thread as Benali's Bootstraps. All previous incarnations are in your imagination, like a dinner party conversation around Chez Le Tissier. This is the first of the season's DTM (Destroy the Mechanism). Please get comfortable, as this will now be continuing through until the end of the season, until the first game of next season, which we'll lose. Cos we always do. So, for our first game we have SAINTS Versus a London based ARSE - You'll be very happy to note, that we are playing on Easter weekend, famed of course for a story about resurrection. Can we rise from the dead, can we destroy the mechanism. OF COURSE WE CAN. Points of interest following on from the recent lie-down against Chelsea. the international community have established a new measuring system, regarding how terrible something is. It's known as 'the Bednarek' - so, for example, a question could be "how dreadful is the current Conservative government, on a scale of one to Bednarek". my forensic examination of the performance against Chelsea has uncovered some underhand and frankly Russian tactics that were employed by the opposition. I've noticed that they somehow managed to warp the space-time continuum, forcing the mighty Saints to do everything at 0.5x speed. If you look at Elyounoussi or Bednarek running, or the speed of Ralph's reactions to the upcoming catastrophe, you'll notice that everything was performed at half speed. I've been assured that this has now been rectified, and Beddy will be sprinting at his normal pace this weekend. So about 1.5 Vestegaards per hour. I won't actually be watching this game as I have other commitments. The last time that happened, we beat Spurs 3-2. Sadly, Alexandre Lacazette hasn't scored for 7 years, so lump absolutely everything you have on him getting the first goal, and then bagging a hat-trick. Key player for Arsenal - Martin Odegaard. The man with a surname like a deodorant. Martin's Odour Guard. As is the tradition for these threads, if I'd ever actually done a thread before, we end with a song. I've been searching the archives and was fortunate enough to find a song by Sting, about our recently ex-Ambassador, Matthew Le Tissier. It's called Russians, and I've taken the liberty of reprinting it below. RUSSIANS by Sting (with guest Matthew Le Tissier) In Europe and America there's a growing feeling of hysteria Conditioned to score in all the nets Whilst believing the words of the Soviets. Le Tissier said, "I trust RT" I don't subscribe because that's silly. I hate it when people call him Matt Le Toss But sadly Matty talks some utter dross. How can I save at my near post, when our defence is soggy toast? There is no monopoly on being a twit, But I really wish Matty spoke less ****. We share the same good memories, back to Lawrie McMenemy, Believe me when I say to you Even Russians think it's nonsense too. There is no historical precedent To put the words in the mouth of the president? There's no such thing as a winnable score When I've seen us lose from three-up before. Mister Johnson says, "We will protect you" Whilst doing lines off his downstairs loo. Believe me when I say to Matt Please stop being such a twat. If you were mistakenly looking for content on arses, please may I direct you here - https://www.conservatives.com
Saturday 16th April 2022 Southampton v Arsenal 15:00 KO Referee: Peter Bankes. Assistants: Neil Davies, Timothy Wood. Fourth official: Andre Marriner. VAR: Stuart Attwell. Assistant VAR: Sian Massey-Ellis.
Play with a back 8, Romeu in the middle and Long up front. 3-1 to Saints. EDIT: I put this here as I realise that Ralph reads these threads and does the opposite of what we put forward. Therefore, there is no chance he will actually do this. EDIT 2: Though it is so ludicrous that he actually might.
Nah. Salisu has been a liability for weeks now. It’s his half-arsed attitude that’s undermining the whole defence. Think he is taking his place in the team for granted. Bednarek and Stephens will both work their bollocks off.
Salisu was fine against Leeds. And it was Bednarek who wasn't in the right frame of mind to play in our biggest match of the season. If that's the case he gets dropped first.
I’m with Tom on this one. I have a feeling in my waters that there’s a ‘problem’ with Bednarek, though it could just be my prostate.
Salisu is terrible at the moment, l don't see how Bedders can be at fault for Silly Sue dallying on the ball and failing to adequately deal with clearing it upfield or falling over and effectively giving away a goal last weekend. Throw in pushing players needlessly in the penalty area... Stephens looks more composed than Silly Sue. He is young and strong and has potential, but, at present, he always seems to be on the cusp of a mistake anytime he is near the ball - at least so for me.
You can’t suddenly drop bednarek now for refusing to play in the cup (if indeed he did). If he’s dropped it has to be on the basis of the Chelsea performance. From what I’ve seen I’d be happy for most of the team to be dropped, bar Forster and KWP. If the team feel there’s nothing to play for then no harm in shaking things up. Forster KWP Lyanco Stephens perraud Romeu Diallo Redmond smallbone Long Broja Send a message.
He ain't dropping JWP, and I'd rather not have Long up top. But let's see. Ralph isn't exactly shy in doing bonkers stuff sometimes.
Cut & paste: Just realised, don’t turn up again, lose this & it’s 5x at home on the trot! What a flip since WHU!
Fine against Leeds but he was at fault for the Watford and Man City losses. Yes he is a quality player still, our best CB. But he only seems to be putting in about 60-70% of the effort these days. And regarding Bednarek playing in his country’s WCQ, good for him. At least it shows he has passion for the game. I personally worry more about the type of player who shuns playing for his own country.
Both CBs need to be dropped to show that there is a professional level of performance required which the pair of them fell well short of against Chelsea.
Well yeah, because bias. Just be a bit objective about it for five seconds. If it was England teetering on the edge of not qualifying for the World Cup, would you complain about the likes of Sterling and Kane missing a City/Spurs game to avoid injury? I wouldn't. We all go on as though the players owe us and the club their loyalty, as if it wasn't for us, they'd be homeless or something. But if it wasn't for Saints, Bednarek would be playing for another lower-half Premier League team, making the same money.
If you want a reaction from the players, then you name an unchanged line up. I'm not saying that's what I'd do and I think you have to find a place for Lyanco in there starting 11 if he is fit and up to speed. At the end of the day, the last match is too far away to use as a benchmark for team selection. It's down to what Ralph sees on the training ground this week. The suggestion that Salisu is taking his selection for granted was countered in the last press conference when Ralph said he had been badly affected by the mistakes in recent weeks.
