A Southampton man joined a Satanic cult and started praying to the dark one who originally hailed from Portsmouth. Lo and behold, Satan actually appeared with a big hammer in his hand and asked him to make 3 wishes. "3 wishes? But I wanted a 100" "No, you can only have 3" "But I want a 100" "Do you want to ask your 3 wishes, or should I leave?" So this guy agrees even though thinking how tight this Skate was being. His first wish is "I want you to change this giant hammer into a small wooden stick" And so it happens His second wish is "I want you to stick this wooden stick up your arse" No choice left, Satan pushes the stick up his arse with tears flowing down his cheeks. He roars, "ask your third wish" Grinning with intense pleasure the man from Southampton said, "I want you to grant me my remaining 97 wishes, else I'm going to convert this stick back into the giant hammer but with sharp edges...."
Just to lighten the mood. A Pompey fan dies on match day and goes to the Pearly gates wearing his shirt. St Peter opens the gates and immediately says "No. No Pompey fans in Heaven". The fan objects. "I have been a good man despite being a Pompey fan. Last week I gave a homeless man £10. A couple of weeks ago I gave £10 to Children in Need and a month ago I gave £10 to the NSPCC." St Peter thinks for a moment and goes back inside. He returns a few moments later and says "I've spoken to the Big Man, and he agrees with me. Here's your £30 back .. now F**k off!"
Will we get a response from our dear neighbours? Did you hear about the fat alcoholic Portsmouth supporting transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
