Hello all, I trust you are all fans of the superb show Room 101 (one of my favourites) and I thought given that we have a dire race day I would give you the chance to eliminate some things from racing. The rules are you have five choices of things to remove from racing, it can be whatever you like. Give reasons and as the gatekeeper of Room 101 I will either remove them completely from the sport, or I will force you to take them home with you!!! Don't hold back!!!
Advertising campaigns for group 1 races. I want to know that last year's best 3 year old filly is taking part in a race against the Arc and derby Champion and the superstar horse from the Southern Hempsiphere - i don't want to know that there's going to be a fashion parade, some b list singer and the opportunity to get so drunk that you're not atcually going to care about the racing and just ruin everybody else's day. The rules for suspending jockeys. They are getting ridiculous - how in the name of God can it be right for a jockey to whip a horse 4 times more than you're actually allowed to yet you keep the race? How can you mark a horse yet have the ban reduced because it might mean you missing out on a big race - the purpose of discipline is to punish sufficiently that you won't do it again. Let's have both consistency and a recognition that if a jockey has blatantly broken the rules in winning a race that he has done so by cheating and therefore should be disqualified. Racing for Change - let's be fair - if this lot had been in charge of the Normandy Landings we'd now all be speaking German and getting maybe 3 racing cards a month never mind 3 a day. I have yet to see one decent idea from them and anything they are doing is either tinkering with the top quality stuff which, in my opinion, doesn't need to be changed or kowtowing to the trendies which believe that a race course should be an entertainment park rather than somewhere we go to actually watch horses race against each other (there's a bloody big clue in the name guys....) The grand national - if ever there was a reason for the bunny huggers and bleeding heart liberals to turn their guns on our sport then this abomination is it. It's not about racing - it's about a big event for the once a year thrill seeking junkies. Timeform - we all know the story. Some of the ratings given are an absolute joke and bear absolutely no resembalnce to the races that actually took place. It's all based on one person's opinion and, it seems to me, an inherently biased one at that. In the words of Edwyn Collins, rip it up and start again. Let's have a syatem that looks at perfromances completely dispassionately and non subjectively.
Turf, I think all racing should be all weather. Male riders because they are uglier than women. Anti clockwise circling of hunt participants. At least half should be clockwise. Free on course sausage rolls to all aged pensioners. Give Epsom the bum's rush and move the Derby to Catterick.
Excellent idea. Please exterminate: 1. Dettori. The most affected person that I have ever witnessed and someone who reflects everything that is bad in sport. We continually have to suffer his ridiculous ‘look at me, not the horse, NO LOOK AT ME’ antics and his behaviour when he wins is pretentious beyond belief. I now turn the magic tellybox off whenever he wins a ‘big race’ as I know he will make the next 10 minutes all about him before performing that ridiculous ‘flying dismount’ (something that I think deserves at least a 2 year ban). In total contrast to what he’s like in defeat incidentally when he turns incredibly snide and nasty. An individual I do not like personally or professionally. 2. Turner. A competent and able pilot but in no way deserving of her profile and all I will say is that I’d love to have her PR people representing me as she is seemingly portrayed in the media as a top, top jockey. Also gets on my nerves with her ostentatious behaviour in interviews. 3. Clare Balding. Seemingly thinks she is the ‘font of all knowledge’ re racing and far superior to everyone else she shares a screen with. However, does not have the wit, charm, feeling or the interviewing skills of either dear old Des Lynam or that game old bird Sue Barker (who have fronted the BBC Grand National coverage in the past). Also puts down colleagues and is very quick to highlight their mistakes. 4. Parrot & Wiltshire. When you see this pair in the ‘betting ring’ you appreciate just how good old boy McCririck and Tanya are on Channel 4. Parrot and Wiltshire in comparison offer no worthwhile opinions, regularly get everything wrong and their attempts at comedy are about as funny as the plague. 5. Goodwood Racecourse. I’ve only been once (Celebration Mile day 7 or 8 years ago) but it is in my opinion a dire venue. Am not disputing its beautiful setting but there is zero percent atmosphere, racegoers are treated like cattle by officials, the facilities were antiquated, the standard of racing is nowhere near as grand as actually portrayed and the attendees make those at Royal Ascot look knowledgeable. The day I went was so surreal as the entertainment was the ‘Red Arrows’ dive-bombing the Grandstand for 45 minutes prior to racing (if you’ve seen it once you’ve seen the ‘act’!
Good for a bit of fun Nass on a desperate days racing: 1. Derek Thompson must be high on the majority of lists!! 2. Cost of beverages and food at racecourses, even Sunny Catterick charge ridiculous prices. 3. There should be a ceiling on the age of personnel serving at Bars/cafes on course! Pensioners should not be allowed, they take far too long and cause many of the hold ups! 4. Move the Derby back to Wednesday Still enjoy the Saturday but there would be far less 'hooligans and louts' if it was moved back! 5. Ban personnel with mulitple accounts on racing forums.
Welcome to the show Chippy, Advertising Campaigns for Group 1 races, I think someone is playing to the host of this thread with this suggestion. However as the host I have to be as impartial as I can and suggest that these advertising promotions are bringing more people into the sport and people are having fun and what is the harm suggesting the sport as a social occasion for people to get dressed up for? However, just because of the following images I am going to have to put this into room 101. The first being the Royal Ascot fight and the second being the eclipse day advert, I mean who would dress a horse up in a silly hat just to advertise their product? please log in to view this image please log in to view this image Bye Bye to that!!! Suspended jockey rules, I am sorry this one has to stay out of 101 purely because without the rules we would have carnage, I understand that perhaps you think the rules are wrong and need adapting, but this is Room 101 and we can't throw the book away and leave a void. We would end up with jockeys riding with Fallon riding with these on - please log in to view this image whilst carrying please log in to view this image and the only person who wants to see that is Kirsty Milczareck!! So it stays out and as such you have to take the Cat Of Nine Tails home to share with Mrs Minton. Racing For Change - Again I think you are playing to your audience, but I think you may have underestimated me. I ask you one question, what would I be able to moan about without Racing For Change? Nil is the answer. They have to stay, they create debate and keep me occupied on days like today. As a result you have to wear the following on your next racecourse appearance (btw who is the lemon?) please log in to view this image The Grand National - In it goes, without too much to say. Its not a race its a 10 minute show of torture. Timeform - Tough one here, the institution that has given us so many debates. The figures of Arkle and all that. I want to get rid of it, but I am not sure if I can, the reason being I read the Phil Bull book and really rather like what he stood for and his views on the sport. If we got rid of it we would have to lose his legacy. I can't do that, and you can blame Rainer from 606 for it staying out. He gave me the book. Your punishment for this is to have to get Arkle 212 tattooed on the inside of your eyelids. Its only fair. So gone are Advertising Campaigns and also the Grand National
Now welcome our Australian friend to the show, sorry you still are handcuffed but we don't want you running off and getting a job at the nearest Weatherspoons. Turf, I think all racing should be all weather. - Interesting idea here, we in the UK are very lucky to have Sunny Southwell and lets face it the UK is going to be hit by climate change, which will make all courses either waterlogged or barren. It happened to Worcester so it has to happen everywhere. Therefore I think it could be the answer to all our problems to just run all races on the all weather. HOWEVER this cannot go through into Room 101 because you used the term All Weather, and that is an oxymoron. We can't live with oxymorons (which is why some of the other contestants will be pleased) and I don't want to see jumps races run on sand. They are punished enough by having the cruelest cut, I don't want to punish them more with major kickback too. Sorry but you have to take home the following image to show that All Weather racing should be renamed or all horses should be given waterskiis please log in to view this image Male riders because they are uglier than women. this one is easy - please log in to view this image and you have to take her home too!!! Male Jockeys stay out thanks to Rose Dobbin (even makes her husband look normal) Anti clockwise circling of hunt participants. At least half should be clockwise. - Not really sure what this is, but it sounds fun. It goes in. Free on course sausage rolls to all aged pensioners. We can't add things to the world, we only can take them away. Sorry but you have to take Rose Dobbin home for another day. Give Epsom the bum's rush and move the Derby to Catterick. Epsom is a shocking track, it has a funfair and as such I agree with this. Epsom goes into Room 101 and the Derby goes to Catterick, which has a lovely full name Catterick Bridge. Sounds better than Epsom too. In goes Epsom and anti clockwise movements
Next up is Sir Chuckles, but really you didn't need to bring your crown and throne to the studio. Even with its white leather saddle. 1. Dettori. - Can we really get rid of the person who did such a feat at Ascot? It was so good they called it magnificent. He has appeal, he has charm but after all he will probably be remembered for the following please log in to view this image Yes he is immortal, is going to be remembered for being a dwarf who likes to relieve himself at Ascot racecourse. He therefore has to go in, if only to save him from being tortured for that pose. 2. Turner. - this one is easy for me. She has to stay out, because she proved SupremeArkle wrong, as such she is deserving of a statue of her own. Perhaps they could do one of her squatting infront of a house in Greenford. Your punishment is having to spend your pocket money on Barney's new wallposter 3. Clare Balding. - Harsh once more, Clare Balding is to BBC sport what you are to this forum. Respected but generally ignored and overlooked. I think this is more about your love for her. I think you should change your name to LadyChuckles and go propose to her. She stays out, because she is one of the best in the game at doing her job 4. Parrot & Wiltshire. - straight in. No questions needed 5. Goodwood Racecourse. Right Sir, I am finding this very difficult, I do see your point about Goodwood but its a personal favourite of mine and I really do not want to put it into Room 101. The course has stunning views and we see some excellent races here. However, you have done this at the right time, its going into Room 101 because it stops me from having to spend the day with the outlaws at Glorious Goodwood. I salute you for this alone. In go Goodwood, Parrot & Wiltshire, and Dettori.
Next up is GDC, the artist formerly known as about 50 different names (joking Gary) 1. Derek Thompson - " I will leave it to the judge", actually no I won't in he goes. Not a moments doubt. 2. Cost of beverages and food at racecourses, - Here is the thing, the cheaper the alcohol the more of the Royal Ascot clan you will get. I don't want violence at a racetrack and therefore I can't throw this in. Your punishment is to buy a round when you next meet up with Danbo at the races. I am sorry for being so severe with the punishment. 3. There should be a ceiling on the age of personnel serving at Bars/cafes on course! Ageism!!! I can't be having this, what would the old dears be doing with their time? Oh they would be working for the Tote. Now the Tote is going to Betfred I think its time we got rid of them from the Bars/Cafe's. They are gone. 4. Move the Derby back to Wednesday - Wednesday at Catterick? Crikey we are making waves, and I think its a fair point. However we all know Wednesdays are the new day of the Roulette machines and I can't get time off work to trek up to Catterick in midweek. Purely selfishly this stays out. 5. Ban personnel with mulitple accounts on racing forums. - Who would be left? Me and thee probably. This has to stay out, its keeping Ron in a job!!! As such you have to reveal how many accounts you have on refugees
Thanks for giving me the wild Rose Nass, I just found that she's the heir to hundreds of millions of pounds. Ohhh happy me.
2/5 will do but I'm dreading that tattoo. And I might now give York a swerve if i have to wear that garb
1. The bloke on ATR (and RUK) who decides that we have to watch a Group 1 race on a split screen because it is off at the same time as a Seller at Ludlow 2. The bloke who makes the odds at paddy power - consistently shorter than the general consensus. Skin flints. 3. Summer jumping. No need for it. 4. Starting stalls for a 2 mile flat race - why? 5. Owners retaining jockeys - I would limit it to "stable" jockeys.
Barney nominated Clare Balding for Room 101 and he did not mention her off camera cigar smoking at Longchamp or the fact that she bats for the other team and has a ‘civil partner’. Will she be at Ascot on Saturday or at the Challenge Cup quarter-final? Nass saves her and tells him: “I think you should change your name to LadyChuckles and go propose to her.” There is no point in suggesting NassauBoard for Room 101 for that piece of rocket science, is there?
You can't put the host into Room 101, the whole world would implode. Or at least the thread would end.
Nass: Absolutely superb replies and great reading, you have even made me smile and nearly brought about a chortle too You being the host i cannot argue but will stand up for Epsom from here to eternity! I agree with you re Clare Balding too, having met her at Knightsbridge Barracks although rather pompous she was extremely knowledgable and answered all questions and also gave us a winner from her brothers yard!! The troublesome twosome got me banned from Fugees so sadly despite Wayward trying to contact Hold Em to sort things out it never happened, do not even read it whilst visiting Waywards office any more, this forum and one other is good enough for me. I disagree about the oldies though, they are a pain in the rear and get in the way Once again, great fun and superb article IMO mate, very good idea. Buying Danboro, Don and Wayward a beer will not be a problem
Babycham Very good indeed I miss she was lovely and also the Newmarket lady and of course Oldest. That man had the knack of making anything funny, even when he was very close to popping his clogs he was joking about it, superb gent indeed.
Nass it's all a bit obtuse to me as I have no idea what room 101 is - we don't get it here in Germany (and if we did it would be called "Raum 101")
