Really shocking. Seemed a real nice guy and respected by all. What possesses a man with two young boys to do something like this- ultimately the most desperately selfish act.
Totally out of the blue. Who knows what torment he must have been suffering inside to resort to that.
I,m sure the thoughts of all true football fans will be with his devasted young family. What have we been saying about what is truly important in life?
Well said saintsalive - you never know what is round the corner of life (if that makes sense ?). You have to make the most of your short time on Earth, that's for sure.
Hi Woopert. I think I might unintentionally have upset one or two people on our neighbours site this morning. That makes a change in itself! Suicide is not exactly taboo but many people struggle with it. I've been told I've a lack of respect etc and to let people grieve but what compels someone to leave their two young sons without a father? What must his old team mate John Hartson feel inside after his near death experience battling cancer. Suicide is not a selfless act- just the opposite. What demons must have been going through his head that night?
You are right ffd - it isn't taboo but it is a difficult thing for people to get their heads around, to understand and mostly to have some empathy with. I know 2 things about suicide - 1) it is not a rational decision, you cannot rationalise a 'decision' made in the depths of despair, in a mind that isn't in the right place, and 2) it was the only solution. My brother-in-law attempted suicide twice, 10 years apart, out of the blue. I do know and understand what drove him to it. The worst thing is that the day before the second time I saw the 'dark-shadow' he was in but just didn't realise what I was seeing. This time he got some really good help from a specialist unit here in Kent and we have no fears now for him. In part because we all know now what we have to look for. My brother though was successful and we live with his loss every day. This was 1995 and I still can't talk about it.
It's a truly dreadful experience for those that are left to pick up the pieces. I feel for you 3rd eye. It's something you will never get over but learn eventually to live with I suppose. I lost my brother to cancer when he was 36. He tried so hard to hang on and was obviously desperate to see his then 8 year old son grow up.We've coped with time but suicide is something else altogether. What demon compels someone to push the self destruct button, overriding everything else?
I think that's why it's so important that we do talk about it. You're right, we learn to live with it, as we learn to live with everything. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Complete opposites, makes it even harder for you. If it was talked about more then maybe people would know some of the signs to look for. It is a very strange thing though. I think they start disconnecting from their lives and it happens slowly so people don't notice. My brother was one of the Fratton faithful - loved Pompey like a lunatic.
I might beg to differ with you when you say it's even harder for me. At least we had a cause as to why it happened and I suppose had some sort of closure in the end.I can't imagine the soul searching you and your family must have gone through, even though it would have made little difference to the end result. Like your brother, mine was a Pompey loon. I remember he lost out on a ticket to Highbury in 1992, So he dreampt up this scheme by which he turned up at the game in the guise of a photographer for the then 'Solent Reporter' with fake ID,box brownie and high viz !! I remember being sandwiched in the Clock end with my mates and could not believe my eyes when I clocked him looking up at us from the touchline behind the goal !!
I can speak with some experience on this issue - my sister,s husband committed suicide a few years back & I had the duty to identify his body in the mortuary. Not an experience I would wish on anyone. His death, and the manner of it, has had profound effects on his wife & children to this day - they will new get over it. The deceased,s wife & family never cease asking themselves if they could have prevented it or did they miss the signs. It is an acknowledged fact that those suffering from this apalling depression make a very good job of masking it & they cannot reveal their fears & anxieties to anyone. It is truly a horrific illness that besets them. When they carry ou the final act it seems to them to be a very logical solution.
Some very sad and emotive stories indeed from FFD, 3rd eye and saintsalive. I have no experience of family or friends taking their own life, but I did watch my poor old Mum endure a slow horrible death from cancer of the bone and of the blood a few years back. In the last few weeks of her life, she kept telling me she wanted to die, because she was in such pain, and agony. I thought she was being selfish, because all her family including me would miss her terribly, BUT then realised after giving the matter much thought, that it was me being selfish wanting her to stay alive just for the sake of my feelings. Whilst I still miss her alot, I have the satisfaction of knowing that her pain and suffering are over. Sorry about that ! Just had to say it
I am so sorry to hear that saintsalive. No, your sister will never 'get over it' - but eventually she will find a way of living with it. It becomes part of you and your own life in the end. I asked my brother-in-law why? He looked at me a bit puzzled and said 'it was the only solution' and he'd woken that morning and knew that the was day it was to be. He couldn't explain any further, just that. Not logical. Not rational. For the rest of us, inexplicable. I really feel for your sister and his family. I hate people who come out with that bloody trite cliche 'time heals', because it doesn't, but eventually time creates a distance between today and the event and the pain is no longer raw. That's when you can carry on. I firmly believe it is a subject that has to be talked about more openly.
Doesn't matter what we've experienced in life Wooperts, nothing ever really prepares us for this does it.
Well spoken 3rd eye - you are absolutely correct in saying that this needs more open discussion. To paraphrase a certain famous writer " the death that dare not speak its name" We need to do more to understand these tragic people. A further thought if I may: this sad subject has provoked some seriously caring & compassionate debate among us and I thank you all for it. Lets all vow to keep it that way in discussing our teams and rivalries. When we lose a game - even against each other - the world is not going to end!
Thanks saintsalive. It's obviously a tender subject but it's been a well worthwhile discussion for us all hopefully. I may take issue with your last point come the 18th though.
