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Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Discussion in 'Southampton' started by TheSecondStain, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. fran-MLs little camera

    fran-MLs little camera Well-Known Member

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    Two separate Sky women have pronounced Nike correctly....all is right with the world. :emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #18961
  2. Le Tissier's Laces

    Le Tissier's Laces Well-Known Member

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    Reminds me of the David Bowie frustration.

    (By the way, it's Bowie, like snowy. Not Bow-Wee. If you're saying it like that, stop it!)
     
    #18962
  3. fran-MLs little camera

    fran-MLs little camera Well-Known Member

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    pro-nun-ciation, left-enant, and shed-ule. Never expect logic from English.
     
    #18963
  4. SaintinSerbia

    SaintinSerbia Annoying Twat

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    this forum knows its' onions!
     
    #18964
    davecg69 likes this.
  5. fran-MLs little camera

    fran-MLs little camera Well-Known Member

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    No apostrophe in 'its' unless it is short for 'it is'

    Sorry, I'm on a roll<laugh>
     
    #18965
  6. St. Luigi Scrosoppi

    St. Luigi Scrosoppi Well-Known Member

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    Books to the ceiling,
    Books to the sky,
    My pile of books is a mile high.
    How I love them!
    How I need them!
    I'll have a long beard by the
    time I read them.
     
    #18966
    davecg69 and fatletiss like this.
  7. St. Luigi Scrosoppi

    St. Luigi Scrosoppi Well-Known Member

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    Poem of English
    Dearest creature in creation,
    Study English pronunciation.
    I will teach you in my verse
    Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
    I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
    Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
    So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

    Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
    Dies and diet, lord and word,
    Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
    (Mind the latter, how it's written.)
    Now I surely will not plague you
    With such words as plaque and ague.
    But be careful how you speak:
    Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
    Cloven, oven, how and low,
    Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

    Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
    Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
    Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
    Exiles, similes, and reviles;
    Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
    Solar, mica, war and far;
    One, anemone, Balmoral,
    Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
    Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
    Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

    Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
    Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
    Blood and flood are not like food,
    Nor is mould like should and would.
    Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
    Toward, to forward, to reward.
    And your pronunciation's OK
    When you correctly say croquet,
    Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
    Friend and fiend, alive and live.

    Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
    And enamour rhyme with hammer.
    River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
    Doll and roll and some and home.
    Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
    Neither does devour with clangour.
    Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
    Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
    Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
    And then singer, ginger, linger,
    Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
    Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

    Query does not rhyme with very,
    Nor does fury sound like bury.
    Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
    Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
    Though the differences seem little,
    We say actual but victual.
    Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
    Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
    Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
    Dull, bull, and George ate late.
    Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
    Science, conscience, scientific.

    Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
    Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
    We say hallowed, but allowed,
    People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
    Mark the differences, moreover,
    Between mover, cover, clover;
    Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
    Chalice, but police and lice;
    Camel, constable, unstable,
    Principle, disciple, label.

    Petal, panel, and canal,
    Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
    Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
    Senator, spectator, mayor.
    Tour, but our and succour, four.
    Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
    Sea, idea, Korea, area,
    Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
    Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
    Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

    Compare alien with Italian,
    Dandelion and battalion.
    Sally with ally, yea, ye,
    Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
    Say aver, but ever, fever,
    Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
    Heron, granary, canary.
    Crevice and device and aerie.

    Face, but preface, not efface.
    Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
    Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
    Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
    Ear, but earn and wear and tear
    Do not rhyme with here but ere.
    Seven is right, but so is even,
    Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
    Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
    Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

    Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
    Is a paling stout and spikey?
    Won't it make you lose your wits,
    Writing groats and saying grits?
    It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
    Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
    Islington and Isle of Wight,
    Housewife, verdict and indict.

    Finally, which rhymes with enough --
    Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
    Hiccough has the sound of cup.
    My advice is to give up!
     
    #18967
  8. St. Luigi Scrosoppi

    St. Luigi Scrosoppi Well-Known Member

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    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

    A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
     
    #18968
  9. TheSecondStain

    TheSecondStain Needs an early night

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    Pro-nun-see-aye-shun

    lef-ten-nant not loo-ten-nant. Loo-ten-nant is for Americans.

    shedule not skedule [USA again]
     
    #18969
  10. TheSecondStain

    TheSecondStain Needs an early night

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    I think that's how it's going to be with me. I have a definite 23 books to read ahead of me. Dammit, no, I've just remembered another sodding 7. So there you go, 30 books. This doesn't include books passed to me by people who have read and recommended them. I've got too many of those already.
     
    #18970

  11. fran-MLs little camera

    fran-MLs little camera Well-Known Member

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    If English is so difficult because of the variable pronunciation, foreigners must find English very hard and we must find foreign languages easy to learn. But not so.
     
    #18971
  12. ChilcoSaint

    ChilcoSaint What a disgrace
    Forum Moderator

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    Godders, if I could give 5,000 likes to a single post I would.

    That is exceedingly good.
     
    #18972
  13. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    Correctly.
     
    #18973
    fatletiss likes this.
  14. fatletiss

    fatletiss Well-Known Member

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    It was, but he went and topped it with his very next one. The double positive/negative one gets 5001 likes from me :)
     
    #18974
  15. Onionman

    Onionman Well-Known Member

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    #18975
  16. Onionman

    Onionman Well-Known Member

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    #18976
    Schrodinger's Cat and Qwerty like this.
  17. fran-MLs little camera

    fran-MLs little camera Well-Known Member

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    Unbelievable that anyone can believe that nonsense. Only in America could they still hold to biblical absolutism...the Bible even contradicts itself because it contains writing from so many different people. Most Christians use it as a guide for life not an absolute. Science should always be questioned as we discover new things, but most would accept that we circle the Sun and that the evolutionary process is demonstrably true (you can still see it in action today). I love the comment that Galileo recanted....he did, because he was afraid and who could blame him.
     
    #18977
  18. davecg69

    davecg69 Well-Known Member

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    Just snorted coffee down my nose ................
     
    #18978
  19. davecg69

    davecg69 Well-Known Member

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    Fabulous - I've never seen that one before, but I'm going to copy it and save it - brilliant!! Thanks!!
     
    #18979
  20. davecg69

    davecg69 Well-Known Member

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    He certainly did - Godders rules!!! :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #18980
    ChilcoSaint likes this.

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