Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

What do you call a bunch of chess fanatics bragging about how good their game is in a hotel lobby at Christmas?

Chestnuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

I saw David and Victoria Beckham the other day. David was on a horse and I said to Victoria He's riding that horse like a professional. Victoria replied I didn't know he could do that. The horse goes a bit faster and I said to Victoria He's riding that horse like a professional. Victoria replied I didn't know he could do that. The horse is going faster and David slipped out of the saddle and is hanging on for dear life. Victoria shouts Help Help my husband. With that the security guard comes out from Tesco and unplugged the machine.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-59753882

Truly Scrumptious, Sally Ann Howes dies

I was only watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last night with the Grandkids.

RIP Ms Scrumptious


PS. I'll hold off on 'A life on our Planet' tonight

 

From ITV news website. A “perfectly preserved” embryo of a dinosaur from a 66 year old egg.

https://www.itv.com/news/2021-12-22...found-inside-66-million-year-old-dinosaur-egg

 

Showed my nipper that this morning. Incredible discovery.

 

Great, all we need after a pandemic is scientists bringing Jurassic park to life.

 

Blimey a 66 year old dinosaur egg. I always thought some of our older members were around with the dinosaurs

 

I think I might have known its mother…

 

There's a Mogglidyte out there on the Jurrasic coast.

 

Oops. I usually proofread and then check again when I post, so I can edit it before I get caught.

 

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Devil worshiper?
He sold his soul to Santa

 

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on
the dining room table:
"To My Dear Wife.
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you,
being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.
I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife.
Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not
wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
"My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your
honesty about my being 54 years old.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also
54 years old.
As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.
I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the
Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students.
He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge
of Math, you will understand that although it may appear
that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference:
“18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18."
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

 

Hahahahahaha. Some of you may remember I mentioned Mrs No7 had an ex friend that was a bit of a freak and was anti vax, thought the earth may be round etc.

Well this is the latest thing she has done

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-fined-after-scratching-50000-25768502

What an absolute fruitcake and nasty piece.

 

I think the Earth is round too, no7, does that make me a fruitcake

 

Oh god, I read about this!

 

I just can’t believe this, burglars broke into my house, but all they took was my limbo stick.

I mean, how low can you go?