I want to get to know you better, so please answer the following questions: Where were you born? What do your uncles do for a living? How much cash do you have on you? Which football team do you support? What is your middle name(s)? Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? Which is your favourite Carry On film? When did you last brush your teeth? Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? How many pairs of shoes do you own? Ta.
Where were you born? Glasgow What do your uncles do for a living? Drugs How much cash do you have on you? Ton something Which football team do you support? Gers What is your middle name(s)? The same name as xxx the Great (I'll give you a tip: It wasn't Cnut) When did you last brush your teeth? This morning. What do you take me for, a filthy animal? Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? Maimed by penis How many pairs of shoes do you own? 3 and 3 pairs of boots The others I couldn't answer.
Under a union jack Grave diggers None Celticfootballclub Ignatious Yes Kybur 20 mins ago Maim, because I've just brushed my teeth so won't be making any more sandwiches 4
Glasgow Retired/Dead None Celtic No middle name No Carry on up the Khyber Afetr tea, about half an hour ago Make you a sandwich 25 pairs or thereabouts
Where were you born? Bristol What do your uncles do for a living? Engineer, Engineer, Artist & Civil Servant How much cash do you have on you? £240 Which football team do you support? Bristol Rovers What is your middle name(s)? You (as in, **** off Gas you ****) Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? No but I'd like to **** his ex misses Which is your favourite Carry On film? Up the Khyber When did you last brush your teeth? One hour ago Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? Depends how much cider I had drunk How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 15
Lanarkshire None of my business About fifty bob The famous Glasgow Rangers McCloy, Jardine, Greig, Jackson, forsyth, McLean, MacDonald Baxter, Waddle Parlane, Johnstone No Cowboy This morning Kill you and make you into a sandwich. 4 or 5
I can just imagine you, Dan, getting out your little purse/wallet (the sort you have to shake to get the coins down) and counting your money before typing the exact answer. Great stuff. £12.75. Khyber is a great Carry On, no doubt, but Abroad and Camping have to be the best. It's been a tough few days, but you guys are easing the pain.
Where were you born? Viewpark What do your uncles do for a living? Poke my fat body with sticks How much cash do you have on you? Dunno, they fish it out my fatty folds with a stick Which football team do you support? Ra Gerz What is your middle name(s)? William Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? Naw, an umbrella is a type of stick Which is your favourite Carry On film? Carry On Fatty When did you last brush your teeth? On a stick Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? yum yum, with fava beans and a nice chianti How many pairs of shoes do you own? I can't see my feet
Where were you born? Los Angeles What do your uncles do for a living? pimp/jazz musician/barman in a honky-tonk How much cash do you have on you? $0. I'm 'naked at keyboard'. Which football team do you support? Oakland Raiders What is your middle name(s)? Wilbert Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? Brothers don't carry umbrellas Which is your favourite Carry On film? Carry On Screaming When did you last brush your teeth? Straight after breakfast Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? Are you wearing a wire? How many pairs of shoes do you own? 63
Where were you born?Dublin What do your uncles do for a living?painter,builder,blacksmith and retired terrorist How much cash do you have on you?€84.50 Which football team do you support?Newcastle Utd What is your middle name(s)?Finbarr & Malachy Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis?If it's up there I'll give him the money myself Which is your favourite Carry On film?Infamy (best line,don't know the film though) When did you last brush your teeth?This morning Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich?Sandwich How many pairs of shoes do you own?2 pairs of runners,4 pairs of boots, 3 pairs of shoes,1 pair of jesus shoes and 1 pair of slippers
Where were you born? - Eccles What do your uncles do for a living? - only had one and he's recently deceased How much cash do you have on you? - fifty three pounds 47p Which football team do you support? - Manchester United What is your middle name(s)? - James Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? - no Which is your favourite Carry On film? - they're mostly ****e. Up the Khyber? When did you last brush your teeth? - this morning Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? - sandwich;bacon and chicken on a warburtons thin How many pairs of shoes do you own? - about twenty including trainers
Bury. One owns a software business; the other is a gardener. About two quid. Man United. Don't have one. If he promised to return it. Not my cup of tea, I'm afraid. This morning. Make you a sandwich. It would be nothing flash, mind. Four.
Where were you born? Bromley What do your uncles do for a living? All dead How much cash do you have on you? 7p Which football team do you support? The Posh What is your middle name(s)? None Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? No Which is your favourite Carry On film? With Mick O'T for best line ever When did you last brush your teeth? Just about to Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? I'd make you a wrap as I don't have any bread How many pairs of shoes do you own? Lost count <10 >30
Where were you born? Bellshill What do your uncles do for a living? Nasal Sex (**** knows) How much cash do you have on you? £4.75 Which football team do you support? Tam Sellik What is your middle name(s)? Francis Would you lend an umbrella to Les Dennis? Aye, ad shove it up his arse and then open it Which is your favourite Carry On film? Carry on Up the Khyber When did you last brush your teeth? This morning Would you kill me, maim me, or make me a sandwich? Kill you and then make a sandwich out of you How many pairs of shoes do you own? 2 pairs of brown brogues (of dignity), black brogues, 2 pair of dessie boots, 13 pairs of adidas
