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Prince Philip is at it again

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bucks_is_leeds, May 17, 2012.

  1. bucks_is_leeds

    bucks_is_leeds Jonny big spuds
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  2. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    More news about nothing.
     
    #2
  3. Girvan Loyal 1690

    Girvan Loyal 1690 Nobody's safe now

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    Got to love the big man <laugh>
     
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  4. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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    I hadn't heard that one before. <laugh>
     
    #4
  5. bucks_is_leeds

    bucks_is_leeds Jonny big spuds
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    Some other classics from the man that was never going to be king

    1. China State Visit, 1986

    If you stay here much longer, you&#8217;ll all be slitty-eyed.

    2. To a blind women with a guide

    &#8220;Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?&#8221;

    3. To an Aborigine in Australia

    &#8220;Do you still throw spears at each other?&#8221;

    4. To his wife, the Queen, after her coronation

    &#8220;Where did you get the hat?&#8221;

    5. When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union

    &#8220;The bastards murdered half my family&#8221;

    6. To a Briton in Budapest

    &#8220;You can&#8217;t have been here that long &#8211; you haven&#8217;t got a pot belly.&#8221;

    7. To a driving instructor in Scotland

    &#8220;How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?&#8221;

    8. After the Dunblane shooting

    &#8220;If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?&#8221;

    9. To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea

    &#8220;You managed not to get eaten, then?&#8221;

    10. To Elton John after hearing Elton had sold his Gold Aston Martin

    &#8220;Oh, it&#8217;s you that owns that ghastly car &#8211; we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.&#8221;

    11. On the London Traffic Debate

    &#8220;The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.&#8221;

    12. To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes

    &#8220;You look like you&#8217;re ready for bed!&#8221;

    13. Unknown

    &#8220;If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it&#8217;s either a new woman or a new car!&#8221;

    14. On key problems facing Brazil

    &#8220;Brazilians live there&#8221;

    15. To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean

    &#8220;You have mosquitos. I have the Press&#8221;
     
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  6. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    Gotta love Phil The Greek.
     
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  7. RAVENBLACK

    RAVENBLACK Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh>

    Classics!!
     
    #7
  8. Medro

    Medro Well-Known Member

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    1 After being told that Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme in 2002: &#8220;Are we going to need ear plugs?&#8221;

    2 To a car park attendant who didn&#8217;t recognise him in 1997, he snapped: &#8220;You bloody silly fool!&#8221;

    3 To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception: &#8220;What are you doing here?&#8221; &#8220;I was invited, sir.&#8221; Philip: &#8220;Well, you didn&#8217;t have to come.&#8221;

    4 To female sea cadet last year: &#8220;Do you work in a strip club?&#8221;

    5 To expats in Abu Dhabi last year: &#8220;Are you running away from something?&#8221;

    6 After accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991: &#8220;Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.&#8221;

    7 At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965, he said: &#8220;Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don&#8217;t you have a slogan: &#8216;Kill a cat and save a bird?&#8217;&#8221;

    8 To multi-ethnic Britain&#8217;s Got Talent 2009 winners Diversity: &#8220;Are you all one family?&#8221;

    9 To President of Nigeria, who was in national dress, 2003: &#8220;You look like you&#8217;re ready for bed!&#8221;

    10 His description of Beijing, during a visit there in 1986: &#8220;Ghastly.&#8221;

    11 At Hertfordshire University, 2003: &#8220;During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, &#8216;More open than usual&#8217;. I now declare this place more open than usual.&#8221;

    12 To deaf children by steel band, 2000: &#8220;Deaf? If you&#8217;re near there, no wonder you are deaf.&#8221;

    13 To a tourist in Budapest in 1993: &#8220;You can&#8217;t have been here long, you haven&#8217;t got a pot belly.&#8221;

    14To a British trekker in Papua New Guinea, 1998: &#8220;You managed not to get eaten then?&#8221;

    15 His verdict on Stoke-on-Trent, during a visit in 1997: &#8220;Ghastly.&#8221;

    16 To Atul Patel at reception for influential Indians, 2009: &#8220;There&#8217;s a lot of your family in tonight.&#8221;

    17 Peering at a fuse box in a Scottish factory, he said: &#8220;It looks as though it was put in by an Indian.&#8221; He later backtracked: &#8220;I meant to say cowboys.&#8221;

    18 To Lockerbie residents after plane bombing, 1993: &#8220;People say after a fire it&#8217;s water damage that&#8217;s the worst. We&#8217;re still drying out Windsor Castle.&#8221;

    19 In Canada in 1976: &#8220;We don&#8217;t come here for our health.&#8221;

    20 &#8220;I never see any home cooking &#8211; all I get is fancy stuff.&#8221; 1987

    21 On the Duke of York&#8217;s house, 1986: &#8220;It looks like a tart&#8217;s bedroom.&#8221;

    22 Using Hitler&#8217;s title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl in 1997, he called him: &#8220;Reichskanzler.&#8221;

    23 &#8220;We go into the red next year... I shall have to give up polo.&#8221; 1969.

    24 At party in 2004: &#8220;Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!&#8221;

    25 To a woman solicitor, 1987: &#8220;I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.&#8221;

    26 To a civil servant, 1970: &#8220;You&#8217;re just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don&#8217;t trust me and I don&#8217;t trust you.&#8221;

    27 On the 1981 recession: &#8220;A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone&#8217;s working too much. Now everybody&#8217;s got more leisure time they&#8217;re complaining they&#8217;re unemployed. People don&#8217;t seem to make up their minds what they want.&#8221;

    28 On the new £18million British Embassy in Berlin in 2000: &#8220;It&#8217;s a vast waste of space.&#8221;

    29 After Dunblane massacre, 1996: &#8220;If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?&#8221;

    30 To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002: &#8220;If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort &#8211; provided you don&#8217;t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.&#8221;

    31 On stress counselling for servicemen in 1995: &#8220;We didn&#8217;t have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!&#8221;

    32 On Tom Jones, 1969: &#8220;It&#8217;s difficult to see how it&#8217;s possible to become immensely valuable by singing what are the most hideous songs.&#8221;

    33 To the Scottish WI in 1961: &#8220;British women can&#8217;t cook.&#8221;

    34 To then Paraguay dictator General Stroessner: &#8220;It&#8217;s a pleasure to be in a country that isn&#8217;t ruled by its people.&#8221;

    35 To Cayman Islanders: &#8220;Aren&#8217;t most of you descended from pirates?&#8221;

    36 To Scottish driving instructor, 1995: &#8220;How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?&#8221;

    37 At a WF meeting in 1986: &#8220;If it has four legs and it&#8217;s not a chair, if it&#8217;s got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it&#8217;s not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.&#8221;

    38 &#8220;You ARE a woman, aren&#8217;t you?&#8221; Kenya, 1984.

    39 A VIP at a local airport asked HRH: &#8220;What was your flight, like, Your Royal Highness? Philip: &#8220;Have you ever flown in a plane?&#8221; VIP: &#8220;Oh yes, sir, many times.&#8221; &#8220;Well,&#8221; said Philip, &#8220;it was just like that.&#8221;

    40 On Ethiopian art, 1965: &#8220;It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.&#8221;

    41 To a fashion writer in 1993: &#8220;You&#8217;re not wearing mink knickers,are you?&#8221;

    42 To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: &#8220;They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.&#8221;

    43 When offered wine in Rome in 2000, he snapped: &#8220;I don&#8217;t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!&#8221;

    44 &#8220;I&#8217;d like to go to Russia very much &#8211; although the bastards murdered half my family.&#8221; 1967.
     
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  9. Medro

    Medro Well-Known Member

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    45 At City Hall in 2002: &#8220;If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.&#8221;

    46 On seeing a piezo-meter water gauge in Australia: &#8220;A pissometer?&#8221;

    47 &#8220;You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.&#8221; To matron of Caribbean hospital, 1966.

    48 At a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002:&#8220;So who&#8217;s on drugs here?... HE looks as if he&#8217;s on drugs.&#8221;

    49 To achildren&#8217;s band in Australia in 2002: &#8220;You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?&#8221;

    50 At Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, 2006. &#8220;Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.&#8221;

    51 On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich: &#8220;What about Tom Jones? He&#8217;s made a million and he&#8217;s a bloody awful singer.&#8221;

    52 To Elton John on his gold Aston Martin in 2001: &#8220;Oh, it&#8217;s you that owns that ghastly car, is it?&#8221;

    53 At an engineering school closed so he could officially open it, 2005: &#8220;It doesn&#8217;t look like much work goes on at this university.&#8221;

    54 To Aboriginal leader William Brin, Queensland, 2002: &#8220;Do you still throw spears at each filmother?&#8221;

    55 At a Scottish fish farm: &#8220;Oh! You&#8217;re the people ruining the rivers.&#8221;

    56 After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat &#8211; from Gallic chef Regis Crépy, 2002: &#8220;The French don&#8217;t know how to cook breakfast.&#8221;

    57 To schoolboy who invited the Queen to Romford, Essex, 2003: &#8220;Ah, you&#8217;re the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then?&#8221;

    58 To black politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, 1999: &#8220;And what exotic part of the world do you come from?&#8221;

    59 To parents at a previously struggling Sheffield school, 2003: &#8220;Were you here in the bad old days? ... That&#8217;s why you can&#8217;t read and write then!&#8221;

    60 To Andrew Adams, 13, in 1998: &#8220;You could do with losing a little bit of weight.&#8221;

    61 &#8220;Where&#8217;s the Southern Comfort?&#8221; When presented with a hamper of goods by US ambassador, 1999.

    62 To editor of downmarket tabloid: &#8220;Where are you from?&#8221; &#8220;The Sun, sir.&#8221; Philip: &#8220;Oh, no . . . one can&#8217;t tell from the outside.&#8221;

    63 Turning down food, 2000: &#8220;No, I&#8217;d probably end up spitting it out over everybody.&#8221;

    64 Asking Cate Blanchett to fix his DVD player because she worked &#8220;in the film industry&#8221;, 2008: &#8220;There&#8217;s a cord sticking out of the back. Might you tell me where it goes?&#8221;

    65 &#8220;People think there&#8217;s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.&#8221; 2000.

    66 After hearing President Obama had had breakfast with leaders of the UK, China and Russia, 2010: &#8220;Can you tell the difference between them?&#8221;

    67 On students from Brunei, 1998: &#8220;I don&#8217;t know how they&#8217;re going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield.&#8221;

    68 On Princess Anne, 1970: &#8220;If it doesn&#8217;t fart or eat hay, she isn&#8217;t interested.&#8221;

    69 To wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident, 2002: &#8220;Do people trip over you?&#8221;

    70 Discussing tartan with then-Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie last year: &#8220;That&#8217;s a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?&#8221;

    71 To a group of industrialists in 1961: &#8220;I&#8217;ve never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing.&#8221;

    72 On a crocodile he shot in Gambia in 1957: &#8220;It&#8217;s not a very big one, but at least it&#8217;s dead and it took an awful lot of killing!&#8221;

    73 On being made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in 1953: &#8220;Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.&#8221;

    74 &#8220;I must be the only person in Britain glad to see the back of that plane.&#8221; He hated the noise Concorde made flying over Buckingham Palace, 2002

    75 To a fashion designer, 2009: &#8220;Well, you didn&#8217;t design your beard too well, did you?&#8221;

    76 To the General Dental Council in 1960: &#8220;Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I&#8217;ve practised for many years.&#8221;

    77 On stroking a koala in 1992: &#8220;Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.&#8221;

    78 On marriage in 1997: &#8220;You can take it from me the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.&#8221;

    79 To schoolchildren in blood-red uniforms, 1998: &#8220;It makes you all look like Dracula&#8217;s daughters!&#8221;

    80 &#8220;I don&#8217;t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.&#8221; 1988.

    81 To female Labour MPs in 2000: &#8220;So this is feminist corner then.&#8221;

    82 On Nottingham Forest trophies in 1999: &#8220;I suppose I&#8217;d get in trouble if I were to melt them down.&#8221;

    83 &#8220;It&#8217;s my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.&#8221; 1956.

    84 To a penniless student in 1998: &#8220;Why don&#8217;t you go and live in a hostel to save cash?&#8221;

    85 On robots colliding, Science Museum, 2000: &#8220;They&#8217;re not mating are they?&#8221;

    86 While stuck in a Heriot Watt University lift in 1958: &#8220;This could only happen in a technical college.&#8221;

    87 To newsreader Michael Buerk, when told he knew about the Duke of Edinburgh&#8217;s Gold Awards, 2004: &#8220;That&#8217;s more than you know about anything else then.&#8221;

    88 To a British student in China, 1986: &#8220;If you stay here much longer, you&#8217;ll go home with slitty eyes.&#8221;

    89 To journalist Caroline Wyatt, who asked if the Queen was enjoying a Paris trip, 2006: &#8220;Damn fool question!&#8221;

    90 On smoke alarms to a woman who lost two sons in a fire, 1998: &#8220;They&#8217;re a damn nuisance - I&#8217;ve got one in my bathroom and every time I run my bath the steam sets it off.&#8221;
     
    #9
  10. RAVENBLACK

    RAVENBLACK Well-Known Member

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    The guy would be a blast on here <laugh>
     
    #10

  11. Medro

    Medro Well-Known Member

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    80 “I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.” 1988.

    Just got a mental image of what him and Queeny get up to. :emoticon-0119-puke:
     
    #11
  12. gas

    gas ACCOUNT DELETED
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    I bet he goes down and teases her clit with his royal tounge :D
     
    #12
  13. Alf Hooker

    Alf Hooker Well-Known Member

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    Greek **** should hurry up and die
     
    #13
  14. Medro

    Medro Well-Known Member

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    Or uses her sceptre
     
    #14
  15. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    <laugh> A **** amongst ****s
     
    #15
  16. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    He's an evil old **** of a man and deserves to die a horribly humiliating death.

    Maybe ****ting himself to death in public at the Queen's Jubilee?
     
    #16
  17. stopmeandslapme

    stopmeandslapme Well-Known Member

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    Prince of ****s, I'll have to remember this one if I ever get the chance to use it:
    25 To a woman solicitor, 1987: &#8220;I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.&#8221;
     
    #17
  18. bucks_is_leeds

    bucks_is_leeds Jonny big spuds
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    Heres a beaut allegedly dropped by the the daft old git when visiting an historic tomb where thousands of indians had been brutally slaughtered, he turned to his guide and said &#8220;is it lunch time yet? I could murder an Indian!&#8221;
     
    #18
  19. Shameless

    Shameless Well hung member

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    **** off Toby the man is (by default) a self-deprecating buffoon, who the **** can ever take this guy seriously? Besides, some of those comments are awesome, I chuckled 'til I stopped.
     
    #19
  20. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    I don't take him seriously, I just wish he didn't exist.

    (I'd probably be a **** too in his position. All he does is fly around the world getting pissed.)
     
    #20

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