Here we go for this seasons predictions which I'm sure you'll all agree with. Relegated: Crystal Palace, Hull and West Ham Barcelona win the Champions League Man City win the EPL After years of trying, Beef finally comes up with an idea about football only to forget it by the time he reaches his laptop (situated 3 yards from the epiphany), in a state of confusion he rants that all other clubs are **** instead. Ricky Van Wolfswinkel overtakes Wes Hoolahan as my favourite player. Burly striker Gary Hooper finishes as our top scorer Norwich fans send wish you were here postcards from famous grounds to Ipswich fans. Unfortunately, refrigeration and magnetism are not due to reach the area until 2022 and with the sarcasm lost, the pictures are framed and used as decoration for living room walls throughout Suffolk. Children stare and dream whilst looking at the exotic locations. David McNally is found to have been a former IRAQ POW. He escaped through chewing his hands off to escape iron shackles, walking for 50 miles in searing heat before having them sewn back on with a spoon and barbed wire by a camel farmer with a disregard for personal hygiene. Norris McWhirter (although now dead) is still waiting (with a stopwatch) for him to blink since the incident. One of the new signings will request a move at the end of the season. Canary Dave starts selling brown velour tracksuits with go faster strips down the outside leg, arm and lapel for £18.99. JohnnyWarksMoustache (JWM) buys the lot before anyone can ridicule the proposition. Norwich get relegated Burly striker Gary Hooper ends up being consistently used for the aerial ball because thereâs no-one left to aim for. Neil Doncaster gets kicked out of his present role with Scotland when they realise there is no plan, he is taken to Edinburgh Castle Dungeons, put in stocks and force fed haggis for 2 years as punishment. Tickets for the event will be available at the clubshop. Marcus Evans is found to be a 13 year old boy from Mansfield who has racked up a rather large bill on his mums credit card. He promises to pay it back in full as he has a paper round. Ipswich fans believe him, but want more investment in players in the future. He takes up the challenge and does the Sunday Mornings shift as well. Top scorers in the EPL: Van Persie, Soldado, Jovetic Burly striker Hooper gets an England call up Mick McCarthyâs tactics book is discovered, it has The A team on the front and the tactics show a 4-4-2 formation with long straight arrows drawn in orange crayon. Carbon dating shows the diagram was made in 1986 and has remained unchanged ever since. A picture of Mr T is still circled as a potential transfer target for right back. Debate on Not606 is frowned upon when things are going well, but endorsed when things are going badly. Fer gets player of the season Chris Hughtonâs tactic book is also discovered, it is entitled â0-0, a way to win: 1001 ways to bore the opposition to deathâ. Plan F (page 972) is marked âattackâ with a question mark and âLAST RESORTâ is written in capitals and underlined.......twice. Norwich qualify for Europe Premier League top 3 players of the Season: Jovetic, Navas, Coutinho Crystal Palace get the biggest hammering of the season in the EPL Sebastian Bassong is named Captain David Moyes is getting booed by his own fans by the end of the season Ipswich get relegated, good news ensues however as the club get the money owed by Chopra back as he had 20 grand on it. Luis Suarez is playing in Spain by the end of the season Ian Wright gets sacked from the BBC, the official reason is because he is a twat. European Courts agree following his appeal and say he should be shot at dawn. David Cameron announces a national holiday in honour of the event. NCFC WONKY aka Carla Canary comes back as a REX_CANARY, claiming to be Tony Spearings pet dog. Beef, concerned about his memory loss goes for a brain scan, sadly, nothing is found. After a positive start full of attacking intent Norwich lose heavily in a game and Chris Hughton reverts back to type for the rest of the season. Nobody is amused (except a select few, because the defence needs sorting and nobody can see what he's trying to achieve). First 3 managers to be sacked, Steve Bruce, Mark Hughes, Paulo Di Canio Ryan Bennett is officially confirmed as first choice centre back alongside Bassong, Ayala, Turner, Martin. Fer, Tettey and Johnson. Cheering the midfield and attack is denounced as devil worship by Hughton. Becchio will not start in a single Premiership game and will be off in January. Raheem Stirling disappears into the footballing oblivion because heâs not very good and ends up at Blackpool next year. Mick McCarthy becomes the first manager to use livestock as a marauding defensive midfielders. Norwich win the Champions League Rob Butler remains unintelligent, unfortunately, Radio Norfolk listeners have a penchant for fools and so a similar fate to Ian Wright is avoided. The last of the remaining holy trinity will be sold in January and replaced with another bloody foreigner. MOTD pundits finally make me put my foot through the TV Andy Carroll scores less EPL goals than either Wolfswinkel or Hooper yet plays more Internationals than both put together JWM calls everyone a **** and Dave pretends to ban him, there is a big discussion but in the end it is discovered that nobody cares as JWM has very little between his ears other than 86% proof and a very dense block of chipboard. League One is sponsored by London Zoo Primates or PG Tips Norwich win the FA Cup Ipswich Town win the hearts and minds of the eternally thick and morally repugnant. Burly striker Gary Hooper is officially declared âBurlyâ as a fitting description by others who didnât realise his chest is the size of a Brachiosaurs on supplements. Norwich finish 11th The decision to sell Holt will continually rise as a point of discussion as we go into a campaign with only 3 strikers. Ipswich has the status of Town removed Some Not606 users will fall out because the transfer thread is not being used correctly, those that don't care laugh quietly to themselves at the rubbish arguments. All my predictions come true as they are based on complex mathematical algorithms written on the back of a Cornflakes packet
Now edit and get the poll thing sorted out. Incidentally, in the first half against Panathanaikos you'll be interested to know there was barely a long ball at all because it was clearly going to be impossible for burly striker Hooper to deal with. I thought this was very encouraging and we played some of our best "possession football" as a result. Unfortunately, if wee striker RvW or dwarfish striker Becchio come on, the temptation still appears to be irresistible to a couple of our players. A suggestion for your list: Bradley Johnson achieves a 90% pass success rate in a match
"Mick McCarthy becomes the first manager to use livestock as a marauding defensive midfielders." That particular prediction cracked me up, great post Carrabuh.
Nice thread Carra. And you got a genuine LOL from me on the McCarthy/livestock line. As for predictions: Bale, Rooney and Saurez stay at their respective clubs. BBC Sports continue to spawn articles about their tranfer likelihood until mid-October, take two weeks off and then start again for the Jan window. Somebody at ITV wakes up and starts to ask why exactly Roy Keane is qualified to comment on all football. He is replaced by the second coming of Ron Atkinson. One international break later Big Ron is sacked for comments even a UKIP MEP would blush at. Someone at ITV wakes up confused and hires spoof pundit Ron Manager from the Fast Show as a replacement. ITV football coverage reaches a new high point.
Phil McNulty continues to churn out drivel on the big clubs further loosening the bbc's grip on the ever progressing football analysis blog market. People only going on to check the scores.
Adrian Durham commenting on his late summer holiday to the Norfolk Broads declares his love for Norwich and all things Norfolk. “I’ve always loved this part of the world and I can confidently say that the Canaries will be flying high this season. They’re my bestest team in the world.”
This is my favourite, brilliant How about Luther Vandross being discovered to not actually be dead at all, but in fact playing at left-back for Northwich Victoria where he scores a personal record four goals in a season. Paul Daniels and Debbie McGhee to run on the pitch, naked, during the first half of the Barnsley v Bristol Rovers 3rd round FA Cup match throwing out of date Curly-Wurlys at the linesmen. Clarke Carlisle to be made into a totem-pole and erected outside WH Smith's in Chesterfield City centre at 11:30am on Maundy Thursday. Marjorie Proops to be named the official club mascot of Wycombe Wanderers. Rula Lenska to miss the deciding penalty in the sudden death shoot-out of the World Cup play-off game between the Isle of Man and El Salvador. She will then be tarred and feathered like a pig and paraded through Mildenhall every Tuesday afternoon whenever Deal or No Deal is on. Terry Venables to buy a big shiny boat and paint it a different colour on the third Friday of every month starting with his favourite, dusky banana with a hint of avacado followed by lilac mountain, peach sunset and sky-blue pink. Fabian Delph to continue to have no concept of Stevie Winwood. Paul Konchesky to design a new type of biscuit that looks like a squirrel, sounds like a squirrel, tastes like a squirrel but after seven months of intense scrutiny by Steve Ovett and his cousins is discovered to contain absolutely no squirrel whatsoever. Norwich City Football Club to play some football matches, win some football matches, lose some football matches and draw the remainder.
Norwich drop Aviva as sponsors and take up Nando's apparently the players a ecstatic about receiving 10% off loyalty cards. RVW will be spotted in ASDA, later he signs autographs in the car park stood by the J Reg Escort McNally organised from a car dealership in Dagenham.
