I was due to attend this match with my parole officer Harry 'The Kneecap' McBastard. Unfortunately, when boarding the Eurostar yesterday some scoundrel had strapped 10lbs of cocaine to his waist when he wasn't looking. Harry, ever the giver, is doing his utmost to see that the said scoundrel is apprehended hastily by helping the police with their enquiries. All this activity meant that I didn't arrive at the Valley until 10.36pm. On arrival I met a rotund gentleman wearing a CAFC jacket. "Hello sir, I'm here to watch the match." I said. "You're a bit late mate, it finished an hour ago." he said. "But sir," I cried " I have made the purchasement of a valid ticket and I demand you grant me admittance." "F**k off you wierdo." he replied
