If it turns out to be popular fine, otherwise I'll get rid of it. If anything is posted that is not suitable for children or work, or anyone easily offended please add a prominent warning NSWF. Anything abusive, racist or distasteful/disgusting will be deleted. If borderline it will be deleted by popular request. I'll start it off with an example of animation I came across.
Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....... Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry. Kevin Roben Wagga Glass & Aluminium Pty Ltd PO Box 5004 ( 11 Dobney Ave ) Wagga Wagga NSW 2650
I remember Victor Borge reciting this report. Hilarious. I tried reading it out to my wife but it was difficult as we were both curling up and I was having difficulty seeing through my glasses.
Tamerlo/Ron: This is a mild case of plagiarism? This was first done by Gerard Hoffnung (not Victor Borge, Ron) in 1958 in an address to the Oxford Union I believe. Hoffnung called it "The Bricklayer's Lament". Here's a link; it's pretty old, don't forget: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI Filon D'or.
If the above link does not work please go to YouTube and type-in "The Bricklayer's Lament" by Gerard Hoffnung.
Morning all - just joined up this morning This one tickled me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLYsdkmaHXw
Oddy-welcome and good morning. Yes, your alligator funny tickled me as well- especially since I was once playing golf in Myrtle Beach and, as I bent down to pick up my ball from a muddy copse, I saw a sign which said.." Don't feed the alligators!" I couldn't stop laughing later....you expect the sign to say.."Beware of the alligators!" I never picked my ball up by the way; I just froze momentarily and then scarpered quick!
Tam I had the same when playing in Orlando many years ago - sliced one into the swamp and just kissed it goodbye
Tamerlo: As I said, no true story. This is a spoof from Mr.Doben of the glass company in Wagga Wagga! Not bad though, even though he stole it.
Filon, no problem with that, but it reads good and would be difficult to remember if you tried telling it when you're pie-eyed!- or sober for that matter!
Tamerlo: Think I owe you an apology. Looking back, it looks as though I went out to embarrass you, which I certainly did not intend. When I read your post, something clicked on possibly an article I'd read some time or other so I had a search. To be honest, couldn't even remember Hoffnung's name. Now appears he was a famous cartoonist (slightly crazy it seems), broadcaster, wit, and whatnot, in those bygone days. He died very young apparently. BTW that glass company really does exist in Wagga Wagga, you were sure accurate there. Just for a lark sent Mr.Doben an email to congratulate him on his great little jest and for remembering an address by Gerard Hoffnung to the Oxford Union some 53 years ago! So far, no reply (goddamn Pom, he says, I bet! LOL). Regards, Filon D'or.
Odddog: Obviously I am nowhere near as smart as Bucks and cannot for the life of me find even one smiley! I have an icon up above that says Advanced Search, but when I click this thing I get some kind of small questionnaire? Please be kind enough to advise me where I have screwed-up. ("Doh" smiley would seem appropriate). Thank you!
Filon D'or - look at the box where you type your comments in. At the bottom of the box you have 2 button - 1 is "Post Quick Reply" - which I assume you are using. Right next to it is a button labelled "Go Advanced" - click on that one and it give you the advanced editing features including all the smileys. Once you have finished typing and adding smileys, simply click "Submit Reply" (again below the text box).
