Open Letter To The Pope

Sorry buddy but I can't remember your name. It's difficult to keep up what with you dropping like flies unlike Her Majesty who more and more appears to be immortal.

The thing is recently I have started to have these feelings for young boys and I believe your church looks upon these people's feelings with remarkable and encouraging interest.

I am the proud father of 29 children after fastidiously following the Churches stance on sexual intercourse. I'm struggling financially though and wondered with all the wealth consumed within The Vatican City you could maybe see your way to lending me some much needed dosh.

I will forward my bank details in due course.

P.S. I am also a keen follower in neo nazi tendencies. I hope this does not prove problematic.

Anyway must dash me old mucker.

Thanks for listening (well reading actually) Popey babes.

 

Darth VadER: A small rebel force has penetrated the shield and landed on Endor.
Benny: Yes, I know.
Darth VadER: My son is with them.
Benny: Are you sure?
Darth VadER: I have *felt* him, my master.
Benny: Strange that I have not. I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader.
Darth VadER: They are clear, my master.

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Separated at birth.

One may ask what my beef is with the Catholic Church.

Well, when I used to be a homosexual in the late 70's the Church completely shunned me and I also got reularly beat up by bible bashing catholics. It has left me traumatised. I thought Jesus was all about forgiveness, probably me just being naieve.

Anway once I was cured of my affliction I started to see that the Catholic Church helped me by becoming normal again and I am looking to be welcomed back with love.

 

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Stephen, is that you?

 

Dear Mr Road,

Thank you for your recent enquiry regarding the vacant post of Scoutmaster, Vatican SS troop. Unfortunately we are only able to process applications submitted in Latin. Please say 25 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers, and resubmit your application together with a signed photograph of the Virgin Mary.

Yours faithfully,

Pope Benedict the Umpteenth
Vatican City
Rome

 

That's bang out of order, you.

Off in a huff!!