Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'? The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?' Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: 'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, 'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother' The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, 'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.' At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: 'You have one more wish; what shall it be?' Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.' Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen. The fairy godmother said, 'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.' With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered... 'Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off.'
But who still believes in fairies? A city banker has just lost billions, the bank is just about to fold, thousands of people will be laid off and the country could be plunged into a recession, all because of him. He's sitting at his desk on the 37th floor and he decides there is nothing else for it. He opens the window, looks down at the pavement below and is just about to jump when a voice shouts, "Stop!" He looks around to see the oldest, dirtiest woman he's ever seen standing in the doorway. "I am your fairy godmother, and I can get you out of this mess on one condition." "Go on," he says. I can put all the money back in the bank, I can undo all that has gone wrong, but there is one thing you must do first." "Okay" says the banker, thinking he'd do anything. "What do I have to do?" "I'll wave my magic wand and right all your wrongs," she says, "but first you have to make love to me." And, with that, the dirty hag rips off all her clothes. Her tits reach her belly, her belly reaches past her fanny, her skanky skinny butt hangs over her thighs, which sag over her knees. Her skin is grey from dirt and there is a disgusting smell coming from somewhere. The banker starts to heave, but thinks, "Oh well, if it'll get me out of trouble?" so he pushes her back over his desk. She opens her legs and he discovers where the smell is coming from. Her fanny hair is matted with filth, her fanny itself is covered in scabs and the whole thing smells like a fish market. "This is not going to be easy," thinks the banker, but he closes his eyes and remembers his lovely wife. Then he thinks about his secretary, the kids' teachers, the receptionist, and after a while he is able to close his eyes, gets used to the smell, and gets wood. He mounts up and starts banging the dirty old wrinkly fairy for all he's worth Looking down, he sees the old woman staring up at him with a half smile on his face. "What?" he asks her. "Oh nothing," she says.[NSFW] "It's just, I was just thinking, aren't you a bit old to believe in fairies? I'm the cleaner."[/NSFW]
Enjoy all & Bill HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES ? Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.' Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Barack Obama
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, P. Niss The Response: Dear P. Niss: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina
