Not the best I admit, but different. Nothing going right? A little guy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as the little guy bursts into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, " I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy. " I`m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and my Boss fired me. When I went to the car park, I found my car stolen and I don't have any insurance, I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the milk man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all . I buy a drink, drop the capsule in it and while I sit here watching the poison dissolve; a smart ass like you shows up and drinks the whole bloody lot.
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer -- brands from 12 different countries including Germany, Holland, Japan, Czech Republic, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that chunks of ice were forming out of the air on it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out several kinds of hot, home-made hors d'oeuvres. "But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Fine! Sit your ass down, shut the hell up, drink your beer in your frozen mug, and eat your hors d' oeuvres because your married ass isn't going to a damned bar to srew some two bit slag! Got it, jackass?" And they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
