Right, let's dump Ted in Missouri, that's about right in the middle of those two, that should cheer him up...
Great a **** Ted thread that isn't even posted by Ted. He's like a virus. Stick it on one of the many existing Ted threads next time please Sku. There is plenty of choice.
Personally I think we need more and more Ted threads. I particularly enjoy his poetry, which is always first class, evoking memories of the great John Cooper Clarke. His spelling and grammar suggest Harrow, or maybe Eton.
JCC is still alive and declaiming Ubes. Here's one of his classics, now who should I dedicate it to? TWAT Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end. Like a recently disinfected ****-house, you’re clean round the bend. You give me the horrors too bad to be true All of my tomorrow’s are lousy coz of you. You put the Shat in Shatter Put the Pain in Spain Your germs are splattered about Your face is just a stain You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag. Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag. You’re like a dose of scabies, I’ve got you under my skin. You make life a fairy tale... Grimm! People mention murder, the moment you arrive. I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive. You’ve got this slippery quality, it makes me think of phlegm, and a dual personality I hate both of them. Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay. Please, please, please, please, take yourself away. Like a death a birthday party, you ruin all the fun. Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you’re no use to anyone. Like the shadow of the guillotine on a dead consumptive’s face. Speaking as an outsider, what do you think of the human race You went to a progressive psychiatrist. He recommended suicide... before scratching your bad name off his list, and pointing the way outside. You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss. Your attitudes are platitudes, just make me wanna piss. What kind of creature bore you Was is some kind of bat They can’t find a good word for you, but I can... TWAT. LYRICS © JOHN COOPER CLARKE
