A husband says to his wife, "what would you do if I won the Lotto?" She says, "I'd take half, then leave you." "Excellent," he replies, "I won $12 , here's $6 - now **** off!"
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked. "Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A hot chick with legs all the way up to her armpits met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the hot chicks apartment. "I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all." "Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs wide apart and close your eyes," said the midget. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. "If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk,[NSFW]"Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"[/NSFW]
Lady rubs an old lamp in the attic etc ..."I'll grant you 3 wishes" "...but says the genie, there's a catch -whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more of the same" "OK" she says, "it doesn't effect my first wish -I'd like to be the most beautiful woman in the world". The genie explains that her husband will be 10 times better looking and nobody anywhere will be able to resist him. She thinks about this and says "That's OK because we are married and I will be the most attractive woman in the world, so he won't find anyone better." So the genie grants her the wish and she was a total stunner! "And for my next wish" she goes on, "I'd like to be the richest person in the world." "Are you sure about" says the genie, "your husband will then be 10 times richer?" "No I'm fine about that" says the woman, "because we're married and what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So the genie grants her the wish saying "you have only one more wish, what will it be?" [nsfw]"I'd like a small heart attack please"[/nsfw]
