Arsene has come to the boardroom to speak to Stan Kroenke. He opens the door.* Arsene: Hi Stan. You wanted to see me? *Stan is holding a golf club and is about to putt his ball. He's got a big cigar in his mouth.* Stan: Just hold there a dang minute Ars! *Stan putts the ball into the hole.* Stan : WHOOOOWEEEEEEE!!!!!! GOD DAMN THAT WAS A MIGHTY FINE AMERICAN PUTT!!! *Arsene smiles.* Stan: You ever seen a putter like this Ars? *Stan hands over the putter.* Arsene: No, I'm not really a golfer. Is it a good one? Stan: Only the best! Pure 100% titanium all american steel! A good honest manly American forged that club! With hot fire burnt with American coal! He forged this putter with American sweat and blood! Arsene : Blood? Stan: Yes! Blood! They bleed into the metal and this gives it the extra punch! *Arsene looks worried.* Stan: Why you look worried!? At ease soldier! *Arsene sits down.* Stan: Now Ars! I know things have not gone great this season! We are reaching the end zone and I don't see us winning any championships! Arsene: Yes I know, I feel this is down to our injuries. For example Jack Wilshere has been injured for the whole seas- Stan: BULL!!!!!!!!!! *Arsene is shocked.* Stan: THE REASON WHY YOU AIN'T WON NOTHING IS DOWN TO THE FACT THAT YOU AIN'T AN AMERICAN! NOW I KNOW YOU CAN'T EXACTLY GO BACK AND BE BORN IN GOD'S COUNTRY BUT WE CAN DO THE NEXT BEST THING! *Stan takes out a bag.* Arsene: What is this? Stan: Here, take this, put it on. *Arsene takes a baseball cap and puts it on.* Stan: You look fine Ars! Mighty fine! Now, take this too. *Stan hands Arsene a cheese burger.* Arsene: Do you want me to eat this? Stan: CHEW ON IT ARS! CHEW NOW!!!!!!! *Arsene nervously takes a bite.* Stan: Now, we have to change that there name of yours! Arsane Wengah! That's not American! From now on your name is Hank Sweetenberg! Arsene: Hank Sweetenberg? Stan: OH YEAH! THAT'S YOU NOW BOY!!!!!!! NOW WHAT AUTOMOBILE DO YOU DRIVE!? Arsene: It's an Audi. Stan: NOT ANYMORE! I WANT YOU TO DRIVE AN AMERICAN TRUCK! AND TRUCK DOWN THE FREEWAY BLARING YOUR HORN! HOOOONNNNNK! HOONNNNNNNNNNK!!!!!!!!!! Arsene: I think I can do that. Stan: YEAH! We need you to grow a musttash like mine! A big American one! Arsene: OK, will this improve our chances next season? I heard you would be helping out with bringing in new players? Stan: ............................. *Arsene wipes away sweat from his eyes.* Arsene: You know.......money......for new players... Stan : WHAT IT GOD'S NAME ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BOY!!!!??? *Arsene goes bright red.* Arsene: I heard something about a war chest. Stan: OH!!!!!! THAT!!!!!!! YEAH YOU WILL BE GETTING THAT!!! *Arsene smiles and wipes his face with his hanky.* Stan: Let me show you! *Stan brings out a chest.* Stan: Here ya go Hank! *Stan opens it up and pulls out a rifle.* Arsene: Guns? Stan: YES SIR-REEE BOB! I GOT YOU A CHEST FULL OF WEAPONS TO DEFEAT THE ENEMY!!! Arsene: You want us to kill the other teams? Stan : NOT KILL THEM!? OH GOD HANK! YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER OR SOMETHING!!! Arsene : Thank God! I got the wrong idea. Stan: No. I want you to simply wound them. Put them down. Here, take this gun. Hold it! How does it feel in your hand. *Arsene takes the rifle and holds it.* Arsene: I feel terrible. I don't like guns. *Stan takes out another gun and shoots Arsene in the leg.* *BANG.* Arsene : AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! Stan: YOU WILL LEARN TO LIKE GUNS! NOW SHOOT ME YOU FRENCH PIG!!!!!!
