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Off Topic Offensive jokes thread

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by Amin Yapusi, Jul 17, 2022.

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  1. Amin Yapusi

    Amin Yapusi Well-Known Member

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    Been awhile since we’ve had one of these and as there seems to be a bit of beef on the board recently, nothing better to grow a bit of community spirits than an offensive jokes thread.

    I’ll start softly

    What do you do when an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

    Throw your dirty clothes in
     
    #1
    Amin Yapusi, Jul 17, 2022
    HFFP likes this.
  2. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

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    Being an Epileptic I never thought of that:emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #2
    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R., Jul 17, 2022
    rovertiger, TwoWrights, Amin Yapusi and 1 other person like this.
  3. steverico

    steverico Well-Known Member

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    Bloke rings up the doctor
    Doctor I’m sick in bed
    How sick,
    I’m in bed with my daughter
     
    #3
    steverico, Jul 17, 2022
    Idi Amin and TwoWrights like this.
  4. Mckechnie Orange

    Mckechnie Orange Well-Known Member

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    Q: What do you call the sweaty flap of skin which surrounds the vagina?

    A: The wife.
     
    #4
    Mckechnie Orange, Jul 17, 2022
    Gone For A Walk, HFFP, Idi Amin and 1 other person like this.
  5. NewcastleTiger

    NewcastleTiger Well-Known Member

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    Have you seen the new James Bond film where he’s a transgender

    They’ve called it Cocktopussy
     
    #5
    NewcastleTiger, Jul 17, 2022
    Idi Amin and TwoWrights like this.
  6. Amin Yapusi

    Amin Yapusi Well-Known Member

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    What’s better than winning Paralympic gold?

    Having arms and legs
     
    #6
    Amin Yapusi, Jul 17, 2022
    Idi Amin and TwoWrights like this.
  7. Roary's Smelly Head

    Roary's Smelly Head Well-Known Member

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    two nuns in a bath, one says to the other, where's the soap? the other one answers yes it does doesn't it.
     
    #7
    Roary's Smelly Head, Jul 18, 2022
  8. The B&S Fanclub

    The B&S Fanclub Well-Known Member

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    Two nuns in a car are cut up by a boy racer. 'I'll teach him a lesson,' says the driver. She races to get level with him at the traffic lights, and tells her passenger to show him her cross. The passenger winds the window down and shouts out 'feck off you knobhead c#@t.'
     
    #8
    The B&S Fanclub, Jul 18, 2022
    Ron Burguvdy, rovertiger, John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. and 1 other person like this.
  9. Anal Frank Fingers

    Anal Frank Fingers Well-Known Member

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    That doesn't work. The original joke was "show him your cross".
     
    #9
    Anal Frank Fingers, Jul 18, 2022
    WillD, southerntiger, Stockholm Tiger and 2 others like this.
  10. TwoWrights

    TwoWrights Well-Known Member

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    Amy Johnson has turned up at last, she came out of a tap in Southend.
     
    #10
    TwoWrights, Jul 18, 2022
    rovertiger likes this.

  11. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    My favourite 'You've Been Framed' clip is the one when that bloke is waving cheerily to all those people from his car, completely unaware that he's about to be shot in the head. The look on his wife's face!
     
    #11
    DMD, Jul 18, 2022
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  12. Amin Yapusi

    Amin Yapusi Well-Known Member

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    What do you get when you cross an orphan with a selfie stick?

    A family photo
     
    #12
    Amin Yapusi, Jul 18, 2022
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  13. The B&S Fanclub

    The B&S Fanclub Well-Known Member

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    Mines more subtle....think about it.
     
    #13
    The B&S Fanclub, Jul 18, 2022
  14. The B&S Fanclub

    The B&S Fanclub Well-Known Member

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    Donald Campbell came out of a tap in Manchester.
     
    #14
    The B&S Fanclub, Jul 18, 2022
    TwoWrights likes this.
  15. TwoWrights

    TwoWrights Well-Known Member

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    And Harold Holt out of a tap in Sydney.
     
    #15
    TwoWrights, Jul 18, 2022
  16. rovertiger

    rovertiger Well-Known Member

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    You're all tapped in the head.
     
    #16
    rovertiger, Jul 18, 2022
    TwoWrights likes this.
  17. Cityzen

    Cityzen Well-Known Member

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    Bloke phones in to an agony aunt to say he is upset because a girl keeps saying he is a disgusting *****phile who likes shagging young girls like her. What did you say to her, she asked. I told her that was no way for an 8 year old to speak to her dad he replied.
     
    #17
    Cityzen, Jul 18, 2022
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  18. Walter Sobchak

    Walter Sobchak Well-Known Member

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    What did the blind man say as he walked past the fish counter in Morrisons:

    “Morning ladies”
     
    #18
    Walter Sobchak, Jul 19, 2022
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  19. HHH

    HHH Well-Known Member

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    Garry Glitter. That **** could play all the chords.

    His favourite was A minor.
     
    #19
    HHH, Aug 5, 2022
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  20. Chesh1recat

    Chesh1recat Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-8-6_6-14-22.png
     
    #20
    Chesh1recat, Aug 6, 2022
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