Off topic rant
- Thread starter lamby
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Well this one time one managed to fly down my throat, so I guess he died a pretty painful death in all that stomach acid.
No one of note. A saints fan from Brighton.
I do work in a major supermarket though, which is why I'm always pissed off.
Jake✔;3189102 said:
That'll teach him.
I was once riding a bicycle [yes, one of those lightweight motorbikes. but without the motor] when a fly smacked me in the eye and stuck there. This wouldn't have been a problem but I was hurtling downhill at around 45mph, so I calmly thought [he's lying through his teeth here]... slow down and wipe your eye, so that you can see where you are going... And then smack..! Another fly caught me in the other eye, and I really did panic, 'cause I couldn't see a bloody thing and I was still doing about 40mph. Not the most pleasant of memories, I think you'll agree.
I managed to stop.
Horrible little buggers when you're moving at speed, especially if they get stuck right underneath your eyelid.
Jake✔;3189262 said:
Agreed. I have no empathy for flies.
Back in the late 1970's I was riding my Honda 250, when a massive bee suddenly loomed out of the distance and just avoided my open face helmet [I should say that most motorbike helmets were still open face types back then, not like nowadays]. I carried on, probably announcing a silent... phew..! [Bikers sometimes talk to themselves]
And then it dawned on me. He was down my neck and inside my shirt, and I could feel he was desperately manoeuvring to stab me with his barbed stinger, as a last gesture before he would ultimately die. I screeched to a halt, with a tiny part of me trying to save the bee [pretty damn early environmental warrior back then, don't ya know
], but mostly trying to stop it from pumping gallons of sting into me.Another emergency was avoided. The bee flew away, but I died of shock.
Whilst watching skysports you see a topic on the left which is of intrest to yourself and wait and wait for your topic to be next,then when its about to come..............then they break to a ****** advert gggrrrr.
And that's one of the very tiny, minor, minor reasons why I will never have SKY TV. Rupert Murdoch fills the remaining yawning gap of uncertainty.
After a period of calm and peaceful reflection I have concluded that there is no value in being pissed off about anything at my age. I shall just calmly and unworringly accept that some things I will not be able to change and it is therefore unproductive for me to attempt to do so.
I will therefore no longer get angry when:
footballers swear;
people spit in the street;
I see people reading the Sun.
when young people say "Should of" instead of "should have".
it rains when it is meant to be summer.
when there is nothing but crap on the TV.
In an ideal world footballers who swear would have their tongues cut out, people who spit in the street would be shot, the printing presses that produce the sun would be blown to smithereens, people who use poor grammar would be thrown in a dark dungeon, if it rains in the summer weather forecasters would be hung upside down by their big toe until it stops and when there is crap on the TV the Director General of the BBC should be made sit and watch it forever.
Shall I go on?
I will therefore no longer get angry when:
footballers swear;
people spit in the street;
I see people reading the Sun.
when young people say "Should of" instead of "should have".
it rains when it is meant to be summer.
when there is nothing but crap on the TV.
In an ideal world footballers who swear would have their tongues cut out, people who spit in the street would be shot, the printing presses that produce the sun would be blown to smithereens, people who use poor grammar would be thrown in a dark dungeon, if it rains in the summer weather forecasters would be hung upside down by their big toe until it stops and when there is crap on the TV the Director General of the BBC should be made sit and watch it forever.
Shall I go on?
You know what really grinds my gears? It's a simple lack of courtesy and it manifests itself across so many facets of society these days. My particular bug bears are:
Middle lane hoggers.
Those who apparently don't have "thank you" in their vocabulary, particularly when you've held a door open for them.
People who think that doorways or the section of an aisle/corridoor already narrowed by an obstruction are ideal places to stop and check their handbags, or simply stop.
People who don't understand "stand on the right" on escalators.
Middle lane hoggers.
Those who apparently don't have "thank you" in their vocabulary, particularly when you've held a door open for them.
People who think that doorways or the section of an aisle/corridoor already narrowed by an obstruction are ideal places to stop and check their handbags, or simply stop.
People who don't understand "stand on the right" on escalators.
Morning Bovril. That last one particularly rings true with me. Tourists in central London are constantly jamming up the escalators when all I want to do is get home!
I am reminded of the Lord Hgh Exectioner in the Mikado whe kept a little list of people who would not be missed and who he would gladly execute.
We seem to have added a fair number to his list.
I've Got a Little List
From The Mikado.
By William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan, with additional lyrics by Eric Idle.
Sung by Eric Idle and the Chorus.
If someday it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of society's offenders who may well be underground
And who never would be missed, they never would be missed.
There's interior designers, window dressers and that sort
And grubbers who retire in strings the minute they get caught
Or those who have their noses pierces, or men who die their hair
Or idiots who host chat shows and disc jockeys everywhere
And customs men who fumbling through your underwear insist
They'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
There's people with pretentious names like Justin, Trish and Rob
And the gynecologist, I've got him on the list
Or muggers, joggers, buggers, floggers, people who play golf
They never would be missed. They never would be missed.
Or waitresses who make you wait, accountants of all kinds
And actresses who kiss and tell and wiggle their behinds
And poncy little singers who to entertain us try
By dressing up and women and by singing far to high
And who on close observance must be either stoned or pissed
I don't think they'd be missed, I'm sure they'd not be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
There's the beggars who write letters from the Inland Revenue
And the gossip columnist, I've got him on the list
Comedians and weightlifters and opera singers too
They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed.
Or traffic wardens, bankers, men who sell Venetian blinds
Or people who wear silly ties, Australians of all kinds
And nasty little editors who's papers are the pits
Who fill their rags with gossip and with huge and floppy.. er.. wrists
But anyway I think by now you must have got the gist
They'd none of them be missed. They'll none of them be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
We seem to have added a fair number to his list.
I've Got a Little List
From The Mikado.
By William Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan, with additional lyrics by Eric Idle.
Sung by Eric Idle and the Chorus.
If someday it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of society's offenders who may well be underground
And who never would be missed, they never would be missed.
There's interior designers, window dressers and that sort
And grubbers who retire in strings the minute they get caught
Or those who have their noses pierces, or men who die their hair
Or idiots who host chat shows and disc jockeys everywhere
And customs men who fumbling through your underwear insist
They'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
There's people with pretentious names like Justin, Trish and Rob
And the gynecologist, I've got him on the list
Or muggers, joggers, buggers, floggers, people who play golf
They never would be missed. They never would be missed.
Or waitresses who make you wait, accountants of all kinds
And actresses who kiss and tell and wiggle their behinds
And poncy little singers who to entertain us try
By dressing up and women and by singing far to high
And who on close observance must be either stoned or pissed
I don't think they'd be missed, I'm sure they'd not be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
There's the beggars who write letters from the Inland Revenue
And the gossip columnist, I've got him on the list
Comedians and weightlifters and opera singers too
They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed.
Or traffic wardens, bankers, men who sell Venetian blinds
Or people who wear silly ties, Australians of all kinds
And nasty little editors who's papers are the pits
Who fill their rags with gossip and with huge and floppy.. er.. wrists
But anyway I think by now you must have got the gist
They'd none of them be missed. They'll none of them be missed.
He's got them on a list, he's got them on a list
And they'd none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
Also when i say to the wife that i am about to have a shower does she need the bathroom she replies no......then lo and behold just as i get my balding head all soapy....she then all of a sudden needs the the bathroom for no2s immeditaly........