A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says.... "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute". "Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink". The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.... "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly Spoke up.......... "I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
Try this one......... Bob is unemployed and applies for a job as a janitor at Microsoft. A manager at Human Resources interviews him in detail then asks him to wipe a few floors as a test. "OK," says the interviewer, "you're hired. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the necessary documents." Bob says that he doesn't have a computer, so obviously has no e-mail address. The Microsoft interviewer tells him that without an e-mail address he virtually doesn't exist, so the company is unable to hire him. Disappointed and frustrated, Bob leaves the building with only 10 dollars in his pocket. He decides to go to the nearest supermarket and buy 10 pounds of tomatoes. He sells the tomatoes door-to-door and within two hours has doubled his capital. He repeats the process three times and ends up with 160 dollars. Realising that he can make a living this way, Bob works hard from early morning to late at night. Every day, he doubles or even triples his capital. After a short time, he buys a small van, then a truck, and soon he has an entire fleet for his deliveries. Within 5 years, Bob has established one of the largest food retail chains in the USA. He decides to think about his future and wants to get a financial plan drawn up for himself and his family. He contacts a financial consultant and they compile a pension plan. At the end of the discussion, the consultant asks Bob for his e-mail address in order to send him the corresponding documents, only to hear that Bob still does not own a computer and has no e-mail address. "That's weird," says the consultant. "You have built up a massive retail empire and you don't even have an e-mail address. Just imagine what you would have achieved if you'd had a computer." Bob thinks for a minute, then says:[NSFW] "I'd be a janitor at Microsoft." [/NSFW]
