I got one of these for Christmas and can't seem to make it work! Any pointers would be gratefully received! please log in to view this image
First, open a fresh bottle of your best malt, and lay out 12 tumblers in line. Remove the plastic outer wrapping from the eye pad, and then the sterile packaging. Place the pad over both eyes (cutting it in half with sterile scissors if necessary) and secure in place with surgical tape. Take a sustained swig from the bottle, then attempt to fill each tumbler in turn, listening carefully to make sure not to overfill. Put down the bottle and evaluate your performance by drinking the contents of each tumbler. If at the end of this you are sober, return the eye pad to the supplier and demand your money back together with a replacement bottle of malt.
That's where I went wrong! Instead of 12 glasses I opened 12 bottles, <hic><hic> I can't find my eye pad now!
No wonder this country's in the mess it is when people can't follow the simplest instructions on an eye pad packet.
I think you've got it wrong. This eye pad is for treatment of the back passage to soothe hanging grapes. Soak the pad in deepheat until it is saturated. Place the saturated pad on a plastic sheet on a chair. Down several slugs of cheap whiskey. Remove clothing and sit on the pad being careful to ensure the pad is nicely positioned over your third eye. When your seeing eyes stop watering (this could take several hours), stand up and resist the temptation to reverse your backside into the freezer compartment for as long as possible (5-10 seconds is normal). Please note that walking can be difficult for several days after treatment. See a doctor if facial expression does not revert to normal after 2-3 months.
