O/T Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears....

http://www.buzzfeed.com/michaelrusch/haribo-gummy-bear-reviews-on-amazon-are-the-most-insane-thin

Sugarless Haribo Gummy Bear Reviews On Amazon Are The Most Insane Thing You’ll Read Today
Why on earth would anyone buy these sugar-free bears after reviewers warned not to eat more than 15 at a time “unless you are trying to power wash your intestines”?

1. From a review titled: “Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate.”

“What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.”


2. From a review titled: “Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!”

“Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.”
Via amazon.com


3. From a review titled: “Yup - Believe the hype!”

“I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn’t want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. ‘If you think it’s a fart….it’s NOT.’ hahhaaaaaa”
4. From a review titled: “It’s. All. True.”

“OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.”
Via amazon.com


5. From a review titled: “Fully weaponized Gummy Bears”

“The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home’s septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.”
Via amazon.com


6. From a review titled: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!”

“The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn’t run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante’s Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to “go” you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet.”
Via amazon.com


7. From a review titled: “You dont understand.”

“I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.
When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.
Eat two at a time. Three if you’re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.”
Via amazon.com


8. From a review titled: “Excellent taste, in small portions.”

“During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it’s job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I’ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.”
Via amazon.com


9. From a review titled: “Gastrointestinal Armageddon”

“After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you’ve eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you’re pleading for relief.”
Via amazon.com

 

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TFP. I put the same link on. Please delete mine when it appears

 

I'm not a mod mate. Curious question? The article was dated January, how come you both came across it and posted an article on it within two minutes? Spooky!

 

GTA is my father...

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Ah, makes sense.

 

The whole article had me in stitches, from the first to the last word.

Fantastic.

 

Halalibo?

 

"If you think it's a fart... It's not" Priceless!!!

I May go and buy some of these to leave on the desk as a practical joke.... These girls in my office don't ****e in public places - this may change their minds!!

 

“During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it’s job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I’ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.”

 

This would get my vote for funniest thread of the year, the more i read them statements, the less i can contain myself. Top stuff.

 

I can't find the actual link on amazon.com i'm sure there's loads the article didn't publish.

 

Wetting myself at this. ****ing cracking.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-...UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=byRankDescending

 

Ha ha! thanks fella!

 

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.

 

Aw ffs, i'm literally crying now.

 

Cheers for this..I've just nearly shat myself laughing without even eating the sweets.