O/T Aunt Bessie

Now I always used to look at Aunt Bessie as a mad, grey haired old hag with boogly wild eyes that scared the f**k out of me.

For that reason I don't think I've cast her a second glance for years.

Until tonight that is.

They've only gone and given her a make over and made her look 20 years younger.

Now I know I'm knocking on a bit but she looks half decent, I even showed her indoors the new look Aunt Bessie.

Straight away the sarcy cow said I fancied her.

Thing is I don't think she's wrong.

Should I be worried?

 

I'm in the same boat.

Every time I have a roast dinner I think of Auntie's fluffy pudding

 

Yes, maybe it's her daughter.

 

I've yet to see her, who is the sweetest food person? I had erik down as a uncle bens man myself....

 

The new one is still in her late 40's.

I'm no Kevin Webster.

 

Old one.




New one.


Sorry I can't make them bigger.

I don 't think the photo does the new one justice.

 

Fuck you

 

I was waiting for that.

Nasty twat.

 

Can I ask if you also get a stonk-on whilst watching Shrek with the bairns?

It's just that the new Aunt Bessie looks like Princess Fiona

"Daddy, daddy, why have you got the cushion on your lap?"

 

Any bloke who doesn't fancy Cameron Diaz is either gay or mental.

Or blind.

FACT.

 

Any man who does fancy Cameron Diaz obviously likes their women to look like 12-year-old boys.

What's your perfect afternoon, Carmine? A packet of Viagra, box of Kleenex and a pirated copy of Home Alone?

 

Recipe tip for you Carmine;

Your instant custard on Aunt Bessie's dumplings.

It's sort of Hessle Road fusion food.

 

Close but no cigar.

Home Alone 2.

I do have boundaries you know.

 

She's just had a Gok Wan makeover. Jack's man size Yorkies 40p Bessie can do one.

 

That sounds as bad as fried Mars bars.

 

It's what my dreams are made of.

Not dry ones either.

 

I always feel that Bessie's dumplings are plenty big enough. What you can't get in your mouth is wasted anywhoo.

A tip. Always give her roasties an extra oiling before sampling 'cos they tend to be on the dry side. Its an age thing.

Stuffings good, I find. Especially on the side, with a bit of sauce.


Keep well away from her frozen root veg, however. Hard, shrivelled and tasteless.

 

I already employ the extra oiling technique, so I can confirm that it's good advice.


The toad in the holes are a quid from Lidl.

I wouldn't eat them but they're alright for the kids, occasionally.

 

Two questions;

1. What brand Yorkies?

2. Would ya?

Just think of your Telstar days before answering question 2.

 

You not only allow yourself to be seen in Lidl, but also readily admit shopping there?

Shame on you.