A penguin goes into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I can’t find my dad. Have you seen him?" And the bartender says "I don’t know, what’s he look like?"
Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off
Tommy C was a legend. Spent many an hour bent in 2 in stitches with my gramps watching his shows on DVD
Agreed. Only have to think of him and it makes me laugh. I always loved the spoon in the jar and its shaking up n down, stops then he says pull the string you fool........Creases me I read a biography about Tommy, it was saying at times it was hell for him in everyday life cos people just used to crack up at everytihng he said. The biographer went with him to the paper shop early one Sunday morning and TC just says Sunday Mirror please (you've got to think of it in his voice) and the newsagents in tears. TC saying whats up with him, and that was everywhere he went. Sadly missed.
Two more from TC I've just had a ploughmans lunch. It was very nice but he was livid. Policeman pulls over a motorist. "I want you to blow into this bag". The motorist said "Why"? Policeman replied "My chips are hot"
Bloke walks into a bar and asks "Do you serve women in here?" The barman replies "No, you have to bring your own". A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a whiskey and ................. a coke please". Barman asks "why the long pause?" Bear replies "Don't know, I've always had them".
A Frenchman walks into a bar with a toad on his head. ‘What the hell is that?’ asks the barman. The toad replies, ‘I don’t know – it started as a wart on my ass and grew.’
