Nothing is black and white in the mad world of Newcastle United

By George Caulkin

You might call it reporting on Newcastle United; I call it standing sentry at an asylum and I’m no longer sure who’s watching who. You might call it a luxury, a privilege, a ludicrous career; I say wibble, doughnut, frrzzbx. You might suggest I get on with this column because there’s enough to write about for heaven’s sake and you haven’t got all day. To which I reply: sigh, okay.

Comings, a going (possibly), and a staying. Catcalls for the manager, lessons in loyalty from Nile Ranger – NILE RANGER, for heaven’s sake! – and another desperate home defeat for a team whose poor form is now entrenched. Alan Pardew may have an eight-year contract, but the bookmakers suggest he’s on his way out, while the captain of the club wants to be. And shouldn’t we all be speaking French now anyway, non?

For much of the 15 years I’ve been writing about Newcastle for it has been like this – brainf******ly relentless – although the last couple have been relatively sane.

Granted, there have been episodes of tumult, from Chris Hughton’s dismissal, stadium naming rights, to Wonga’s sponsorship, but financial security and progress on the pitch have helped encourage a sense of stabil … KABOOM!

Anyway, there’s too much going on to be overly thoughtful so here is what I know or have been told about two of Newcastle’s most pressing issues. Whether it is the truth or the full truth is difficult to determine – managers, directors, players, clubs and agents can all have competing agendas – and I’ll leave that up to you, but the people I’ve spoken to are substantive. Know what I mean? (I’m tapping my nose and winking suggestively).

1. Fabricio Coloccini The saga of the day. And the background is this. For quite a long time, the centre-half has been troubled by issues in his personal life. This being Newcastle, there are unsubstantiated rumours in circulation – which is not uncommon – but he has told the club that his discontent is connected to his wife being unwell, unhappy and matters related to do with that. He has a young family.

As a consequence, Coloccini has informed Newcastle that he wishes to leave this month. Simultaneously, San Lorenzo, an Argentinian club that the defender played for, briefly, and for whom Osvaldo, his father, now works for, have conducted a very public courtship of him.

They have spoken openly about not being able to afford a fee for Coloccini, but that they could pay him a decent wage if Newcastle rescinded his contract.

Rescinding contracts is not the Newcastle model for doing business; it is about self-sufficiency. Coloccini only signed a new four-year extension in March (if his issues stretch back before that, as is believed, why did he do that?), and, at 31, he remains an asset.

On the open market, he would be worth a chunk of money and Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias are simply not prepared to write that off. Why should they?

In private, Pardew has been hugely supportive of Coloccini, urging him not to throw his career away, to remain on Tyneside until the end of the season, assist his team-mates in avoiding relegation and then reassess his options. The club, meanwhile, have brought in their lawyers to explain the contractual situation, to demonstrate he cannot simply walk. And yet he still wants to go.

Amid all this, San Lorenzo have made no direct contact with Newcastle. None whatsoever. So when they announced on Wednesday that after “long negotiations” they had not been able to secure Coloccini’s signature and were now moving on, it is reasonable to ask who, precisely, those long negotiations have been with. It is fair to say that Newcastle are not impressed by their behaviour.

So where do things stand now? On a knife-edge. Or a precipice. Or some other cliché. It remains extremely delicate. Coloccini has reported for training today, but whether he will be available, still here or in a suitable frame of mind for Newcastle’s critical match at Aston Villa next week is, at the time of writing, difficult to predict. And that, of course, would be another concern.

Having just signed a desperately-required centre-half in Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Newcastle and Pardew would find themselves back to square one, because they insist that they have not been preparing for Coloccini’s departure. If he goes AWOL, they will pursue the matter as far as it can be pursued. The options, therefore, are he leaves and they chase him legally, he buys out his contract, or he stays.

2. Pardew Last weekend’s 2-1 loss to Reading brought the first open murmurings of discontent (inside St James’, as opposed to Twitter or message boards, which rarely assist the whole sanity thing). As Newcastle’s impetus slipped and a 1-0 lead was frittered away, the manager’s substitutions were booed, with accompanying – although hardly deafening – chants of ‘you don’t know what you’re doing’.

In the light of the side’s dreadful results – two wins in 14 attempts in all competitions – and standing – two points off the bottom-three, with the joint-worst away form in England – it felt like a moment. A sign of things turning. Was a club which has recently but resolutely embraced the long-term about to revert to type, kick away their own foundations and jettison their manager?

The answer to this one was unequivocal: no. Pardew will remain in situ. This is football, of course, and there can come a time when strong words and intentions become outweighed by momentum shifting beyond a retrievable point (Sunderland backed Steve Bruce, for instance, until they felt his relationship with the crowd could not be repaired), and while that is my caveat, Newcastle are not there yet.

Ashley was at the Reading game – a rarity for the owner these these days – and left early, but it was not in disgust or anger and it was an indication of impending change. It was because his presence in Newcastle was always going to brief, he had business elsewhere and had a plane to catch.

The message from the boardroom was clear; Ashley did not sign off on Pardew’s contract for a laugh or in haste. It is supposed to mean something.

Newcastle have made mistakes this season, on and off the pitch, but they are working to support the man who coaches and picks the team, not undermine him. They blame their difficulties – largely – on their participation in the Europa League, which has stretched their first-team squad, and the injuries which have hampered them further. They acknowledge that Pardew’s resources have not been sturdy enough.

Their activity in the transfer market is not a direct expression of faith in Pardew, because that is not the way they work. It is Graham Carr, the influential chief scout, who identifies new players and who has a deep knowledge of the French market, but they believe Pardew is the man, the right man, to bring them on. What they need is a bit of respite and the only way to get that is by winning a game or two. New players help, Coloccini does not.

When I tell people what I do for living I often get called a lucky t***. When I explain that I cover North East football and therefore I’m actually a chronicler of misery, they say ‘ah, yes, but you’ve always got something to write about.

Never dull up there, is it?’ That’s one way of looking at it. But now, if you will excuse me, my duties at the asylum await. Strange: I could swear a nurse is shouting that it’s time to take my tablets …

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I've aged 10 years in the past 6 months...

 

ACS- I've aged 10 years in the past 2 weeks with names being bandied about all over the place.

 

They were going to pay Colo a decent contract but couldn't afford a fee, yet thought they could do business? Arses.

Why don't they use the money for his flipping contract to sign him and he can play for nowt... All happy then?

 

I'm nearly ten already, just another two weeks.

And shouldn’t we all be speaking French now anyway, non?

Wye thi bluddy hell shud a be taakin a forin langwich, av alwis taaked Geordie, wye shud a change noo?

 

Allez le toon.