Mystic Jones

An interview with Brad Jones has revealed that the reason for him diving in the opposite direction of shots at Old Trafford was down to disruption in the psychic network.

Jones said "Usually I know which way a player will shoot by reading his mind but on Sunday I just couldn't get a read on any of the United players so just guessed and unfortunately got it wrong".

He went on to explain,"My aura had been yellow all day and I just couldn't focus but everything is back to normal now and my powers are working fine again I already know which way to dive in the Bournemouth games for all 20 shots on target even the ones that will deflect off Lovrens arse."

When asked if Brendan Rogers job is safe Jones replied "f** knows! My powers only extend to which way Rooney will shin a shot if you want to know things like that ask Joe Allen."

 

Your own work? I like the 'Rooney shinning' reference

 

For a change yes.

 

Well done then, sheep-boy

 

You need to swear at me more, that's way too much of a compliment.

 

Good work luv! Have you tried posting it on the Man U board? You could post a link and everything!

 

If I posted it without a link minds would be blown!

 

Get the ****ers blown then

 

Ok lets see.

 

I refused to believe this until I checked the Daily Mash website

 

I have a certain reputation for posting Mash articles and what I've written proves that I read that site too much.