My wife always accuses me of making stuff up

I wouldn't mind, but I'm not even married.

 

She's right though. Women are always right.

It stops the arguing anyway if you just agree.

 

1.FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2 FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed this means half an hour, FIVE MINUTES means Five minutes if she says it and you are watching the match.
3. NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm, be on your guard, nothing means something, arguments begining in NOTHING end in FINE.
4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission, do not try it.
5. LOUD SIGH: This is a word, it means you are an idiot and why is she wasting her time arguing about nothing, see 3.
6. THAT'S OKAY: Boy you are in trouble, she is now going to think long and hard on how you will pay for this and how much it will hurt.
7. THANKS: Ask no questions, do not look a gift horse in the mouth just say no problem unless it's 'thanks a lot', this is sarcasm do not say no problem or it will be WHATEVER.
8. WHATEVER: Basically the female F you.
9. DON'T WORRY, I GOT IT: Be very afraid, you were told several times to do it, now she is doing it. At some point after you may ask "What's wrong", refer to 3.

DIVORCE.... thats what happened to me when the words finally ran out.

 

GG

 

'You can tell a lot about a person by their car.'

For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

I'll be here til Thursday

 

That's funny because mine always accuses me of being a stalker

Well I suppose she isn't really my girlfriend but......