Laheyisms Laheyisms are metaphors usually pertaining to feces used by Jim Lahey of Trailer Park Boys. Examples Lahey: "Ready for a lil B & E Randy?" Randy: "Bacon N Eggs?" Lahey: "Evidence gathering." "When you plant **** seeds, you get **** weeds." "Birds of a ****feather flock together, Randy." "We're in the eye of a ****icane here Julian, and Ricky's a low **** system!" "**** storm troopers" "The **** apple doesn't fall far from the **** tree" "Captain ****tacular" "I'm watching you, like a ****hawk" "We're sailing into a **** typhoon Randy, we'd better haul in the jib before it gets covered in ****" "When you're getting pelted with ****balls deputy, you gotta get a **** bat." "The **** pool's gettin full Randy, time to strain the **** before it overflows. I will not have a Pompeiian **** catastrophe on my hands" "How dare you involve my daughter in your hemisphere of ****" "Your ****-goose is cooked, Ricky" "****-apples never fall far from the ****-tree" "He's about to enter the **** tornado to Oz." "Do you know what a **** rope is Julian? It's a rope covered in **** that criminals try to cling to. Y'see, the **** acts like grease, and the harder you tighten your grip, the more you slide down it". "A **** leopard can't change its spots" "We need more **** puppets for our play Randy, and we need angry **** puppets but they aren't mad at us. **** puppets only get angry at other **** puppets" Randy: "Cops and dope don't mix, do they Mr. Lahey?" Lahey: "Like **** and strawberry shortcake Randy." "I live by the golden rule, if you don't cross my ****line I won't cross yours. But when Ray told everybody in the park that I was drinking again, he crossed the goddamn ****line." Lahey: "Do you know what a **** barometer is, Bubbles? Measures the **** pressure in the air. You can feel it. Listen, Bubs. You hear that? The sounds of the whispering winds of ****? You can hear it." Bubbles: "No, I don't hear anything..." Lahey: "Oh, but you will, my sorry little friend, when the old **** barometer rises, and you'll feel it too. Your ears will implode from the **** pressure. You were warned, Bubs, but you picked the wrong side. Beware, my friend: **** winds are a-comin'." "Do you feel that Randy, the way the **** clings to the air? **** Blizzard." "Never Cry ****wolf" "Did you see that Randy, Goddamn ****apple driving the ****mobile. No body else in this park gives a **** why should I? "Yes I used to drink Randy but I got the ****monkey off my back for good". "You just opened Pandora's ****box Ray" "You know what you get when two ****-tectonic plates collide? ****quakes, Julian. ****quakes." "The ole **** liner is coming to port, and I'll be there to tie her up." "Y'see, Ricky started off as a little ****spark from the ol' ****flint that eventually grew into a ****bonfire, and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, grew into a raging ****firestorm. If I marry Barb, I'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I'll be able to unleash a ****nami tidal wave that will extinguish Ricky and his ****flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave...****waves". "Tic Toc, **** clock's tickin' Rick." "We got the key to ****ty city, Ran, and Julian's the muscular mayor". "You boys have loaded up a hair-trigger, double barrelled ****machinegun, and the barrel's pointing right at your own heads". "**** flowers, Randy. [...] From a distance they look like ordinary flowers, but when you get right down and stick your nose in them you realize they're **** flowers, and there's a whole ****ing bouquet down there right in front of Ray's trailer." Lahey: "**** moths, Randy." Randy: "**** moths?" Lahey: "**** moths. You see, they started off as tiny **** larva, Randy. Then they grew into ****apillers, a pandemic of ****apillers Randy, everywhere you look Randy - ****apillers. They almost drove me over the goddamn edge boy. I tried to exterminate them, I tried to put an end to the ****apiller's life cycle...but I failed. And now...**** moths Randy, every-****in'- one of them." Randy: "Is that you or the liquor speaking, Mr Lahey?" (to which Mr. Lahey replies after a swig of alcohol) "I am the liquor." "Hey Sexian" (Lahey adressing Julian) "Whenever I'm sober, the boys are careful, they're scared of me cause they know what I'll do. They're cautious, it's hard to catch them. But when I'm drinking, their ****guards are down and they **** up, but the problem is when I'm drinking, I **** up too, a lot Barb. I gotta be drinking, but not drinking, ya see? The only way to do that, is to pretend, I am gonna pretend to be drunk, collect evidence and build a solid case against them. Sober as a judge I'm gonna show up today at the cheeseburger picnic, and I'm gonna pretend to be a drunken idiot. And why? ****guards Barb... ****guards." "This place is a dump, you have my permission, to do whatever you want, any time any place, and you don't have to listen to Pilsbandy Doughboy (Randy) or Team Sexy" (the police)
