Moving office on monday

I might "hurt my back" at the weekend so i don't have to lift anything. I hope the new place is set out in a way that no one can see my monitor.

 

By "monitor" Dougie means his councilor who has to observe his performance with integration into society. The goofy bastard

 

I did a ****e there that made a loud "splash" when it hit the water. Sometimes they just gloop silently to the bottom though.

Dunno what kind I prefer.

 

They make me angry.

For that reason I've installed a camera in the toilet which allows me to see my ****e as I do it. Pretty neat huh.

 

installed a camera!!

statemant is nothing without pictures

 

Although if you can ****e out a beast that goes under the U and can still poke out the water like a periscope that just makes your day!

 

I install a splashback arrestor when doing a ****e, 4 single sheets of toilet paper, folded over nicely and placed on top of the water stops the bog water from wetting your arse after a big one.

 

If you're at work its always good to pack the toilet up with bog roll then do a ****e and not flush it. Then any work 'mates' will have a nice wee surprise when they go for a chug.

Sitting backwards on the toilet so your ****e lands on the side works just as well.

 

Surely if the bog water wets your arse it saves you wiping it?!

 

splash back is a ****. but if oyu put bog roll down first then you cant inspect your creation

 

Did you do a courtesy flush in the middle of it?

 

do i ****. your lucky if i flush at all. the world should see my masterful creations.

like the one i posted last year with the scale rule beside it.

 

Yous all talk ****e

 

You sound like a neat kind of guy.

 

that's called a "Ghostie"

 

Put me right off my croissant that did.

 

you would love me sugar tits

not take off your top i need a ****e. <clevelandsteamermuir>

 

You have sugar tits?

 

i was calling you sugar tits. i dont suppose a woman has much need for reading skills beyond those required to read a recipe