Missing the match tomorrow :(

I'm at a wedding tomorrow (who'd have friends eh?) so I'm going to completely miss the match My only salvation will be people on here on the matchday thread so hope you have your descriptive hats on.

I'm hoping for a win tomorrow although I think RVP or not, if Walcott plays he is an enormous threat with pace that we struggle to play against. Hopefully we won't play as high a line as we did in the first half of the 4-4 game to alleviate that problem.

I'm hoping Gervinho comes out to the sound of SJP and instantly regrets his decision.

What I hope most, though, is that EVERY time Cheick Tiote gets the ball, no matter where he is on the pitch, every shouts SHOOOOOOTTTT. Please, if you're going, fulful this wish because it would make me laugh.

HWTL, here's to a great, above expectations season. This summer has felt like hell but we're back in business. All the best lads.

 

iv got cricket after work tomoz so ill miss the game unless there is a sensational indian esk collapse! lets hope not, will be checking for updates in the field tho. so glad the season is back

HWTL

 

At 17:00 begin to feel your stomach and start moaning a bit. Not too loud but enough to be heard.

At 17:05, if possible; use a damp cloth to give the effect of a sweat on your face. Begin to increase the volume of your moans and continue to hold your stomach. Keep your face damp.

At 17:15 mention that your not well and excuse yourself to the toilet. Assure everyone that you'll be fine. Just a touch of stomach cramp. Back in a bit.

By 17:20 you can be in a bar with ESPN.

KO at 17:30

Half time, run back to the wedding venue and make yourself seen. You should have sweat from the run. Sit down for a few minutes. Say you feel a bit better.

5 mins before the re-start excuse yourself again.

After the match; re-join the wedding and if anyone asks, tell them you had the runs after eating some prawns.

I also provide advice for missing anniversaries, birthdays and bar mitzvahs.

 

If it makes you feel better the change to the Fulham game means I'm missing it due to a prior commitment, swimming in the Tees:

http://www.ratraceadventure.com/riverratrace/eventinfo.html

Could've made 3 o clock too, praying for a random change to a TV game so I can at least catch some of it.

 

So is Wilshere

 

Unfortunately I'm missing the match too, first one in God knows how long.

The 4-4 was on my birthday and was one of the best gifts I could have wished for. Hope we don't concede four early goals and come out of it with a 4-0 win.

 

If you were a REAL Toon fan you'd sleep with the bride, text a photo of the two of you together to the groom and force the wedding to be called off, freeing you up to attend the match.

 

Or you could just feign illness and go to the match anyway, and pray you aren't recognised on MOTD shots.