Every time we play Millwall I can't help but giggle. Not because they will turn up decked out in the finest Sports Direct Tracksuits a giro can buy, but from an incident that occurred on the London Bridge to Charlton train back in the 80's. Many of you that travelled to and from London by train may have been aware of a section of south bound train track locally known as the 'Maze Hill Bump' It has since been repaired, but every evening on my way home back in the day, you had to hold tight onto your coffee and prepare yourself for the Maze Hill Bump. The ferocity of the bump depended on two factors, speed and comfort. If you were sitting down the bump was gentle but if you were standing it would cause you to stumble. On a very cold winters day, I found myself out of position and at 2.20pm was at London Bridge, platform 4, along with 1000 spanners who were desperately trying to work out how to get on a train. I had the pick of the bunch of the Millwall lot with me, one had a millwall lion tattoo on his neck and wore a pale blue track suit. His mate who was called 'Danno' who had a one word vocabulary - "mug" is all he said. We all got on at London Bridge, the driver said "First stop Charlton" Danno said "mugs". Tattoo neck was giving it all on the journey "you want some missus" or "no one likes us - we don't care" he screamed as we sped through Deptford. Danno spotted a CAFC fan at Greenwich and leaned out the window "mug!!" he yelled. Tattoo neck said to Danno that "he needed a piss" and he and his crisp recently stolen pale blue tracksuit disappeared into the bogs. Given the train driver wanted the morons of his train as fast as possible we were doing 50mph at we entered Maze Hill, bang!!we hit the bump like never before and the train listed and shuddered. I was prepared and rode the bump. I looked for casualties, Danno just looked ahead and said "mug" but Tattoo neck had not come out of the toilet and as we pulled into Charlton Danno banged on the door. Tattoo neck opened the door and sheepishly looked round and said "Danno, I've gone and pissed all down me trackkie bottoms" Danno looked at him and just said "mug"
I think you are being unduly harsh on the average Millwall fan's dress sense. Tomorrow, our away end will resemble a Ben Sherman convention. Apart from a couple of retired ex rag and bone men from Bermondsey (TC....), you will see 3,000 18 year olds decked out in their finest Ben Sherman T shirts (despite the cold), 6 months of bum fluff on their visages, and all topped off with the obligatory Kangol 'Del Boy' flat cap...just to make them look extra authentic. All teenage wanabee Guy Ritchies & Jason Stathams from leafy suburbia.
The sartorial make up of a Millwall away support is well established. You will of course have the Ben Shermans - 1100 or so knocked off, Deptford Market type Ben Sherman, with added baked bean stain motif. You will have the Burberrys, 100 or so looted from the 2011 summer riots worn by fat middle aged men who also wear them to weddings, funerals and court appearances. The trakkies. I expect to see in excess of 800 track suits fashioned by the 40-50 year mob. Piss stained and smelling of glue, the suit of choice for your modern man about Deptford. The balance of the Millwall fans will be decked out in clothes sent as charitable donations by West Africans during the great fire of Bermondsey in 2009 when the Sports Direct factory burnt down along with the counterfeit Stone Island factory. Typical. Fashion editor for Caravanning and Sink Estates weekly.
You are ignoring the "Wilfred Bramall look", often adopted by the older Millwall fans like TC. This takes the form of a tatty waistcoat (can't afford a proper coat), a soiled cravat tied around the neck to disguise the lack of washing, and an habitual cry of "aaaaaaany old IRON" during the game itself.
Yeah of course we have the 'Wilfred Bramley' look, the 'Jocky Wilson at play' and the ever popular stay at home classic 'The Reamer', but 2014 is all about the accessories, this year the ankle tag and matching handcuffs will be the must haves for the more adventurous spanner.
Let me tell you, we met up with MillwallSteve(Tatoo neck) and Mighty(Danno) and Mighty still aint improved his vocabulary, and Steve is still wearing the same unwashed trackies!
The original post is a quality story. Can't wait to get back to London for this - I was due to return next week, but told work where to go (not literally, more begged and pleaded to fly back out on Sunday). Reading that Vetokele is ''touch and go'' has dampened spirits a little, but still more than confident than I have been in recent years.
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