Mid-Year Review, school report style. Swans get a B ? Agree or not?

Manchester City
It’s hard to knock the start that City have made this season, no matter how much I want to. In the league, they are perfect at home winning all ten games, currently sitting top of the EPL with a staggering 48 points from twenty games. They have a goal difference of +40 and, in David Silva, they have the best player in the league on current form. Obviously it helps when your owner buys players as if its a game of Monopoly! (Sorry City fans, I just couldn’t do it). Overall Grade – A

Manchester United
Sitting second in the league, three points behind the leaders, one point better off than at this stage last season, things aren’t looking too shabby for United. Or so you’d think. In reality, things are not looking too good at Old Trafford with an injury list as long as City’s wage bill and top players drastically out of form. Can the old master turn around yet another season to bring more silverware to the OT coffers? Overall Grade – B+

Tottenham Hotspur
London is well and truly Lilywhite as we head into 2012. ‘Arry has the Spurs purring like a finely tuned F1 car and the football being played at White Hart Lane has been, at times, exquisite. This time next week they could possibly be three points behind City after they have played their game in hand. Who’d have thought that? Overall Grade – A*

Chelsea
After the first few EPL games of the season, it looked like Arsenal were the team from London with the biggest problems, but not anymore. Chelsea have the look of a team who are falling apart at the seems. AVB is getting hammered from all sides, Anelka is gone, Drogba soon to follow, Lampard can’t get a start, Torres can’t hit a barn door, Terry is a massive racist (apparently)… All signs point to Uncle Roman getting his cheque book out, but is it too late? Overall Grade – B-

Robin Van Persie
It would take a pretty brave man to argue that Robin Van Persie is NOT the form striker in the EPL. So far this season he has scored 74 goals, got 39 assists, saved a baby from a burning house, found a cure for Malaria, wrote a symphony and walked from London to Cairo for charity. His supporting cast leave a lot to be desired, made up mostly by young children and over-the-hill tramps. 2012 is looking bright for RVP though as he is soon to be rejoined by the Messiah himself, Terry Henry. Praise the lord! Overall Grade – A* (RVP), C- (the rest of them)

Liverpool
What a season the once mighty Liverpool are having. ‘King’ Kenny has been somewhat of a damp squib, spending a small fortune and performing only marginally better than Roy Hodgson. One of his buys, a greasy gypsy lass called Carol, has been disappointing to say the least. I could go on and on about the fans or Luis Suarez but I think I’ll leave it there as anyone with an inkling of interest in football knows how disgraceful they are. Overall Grade – F

Newcastle United
The Toon Army must be dancing in the streets of Newcastle these days, as their team currently stand just four points from a Champions League spot at the halfway point of the season. What an amazing job Alan Pardew is doing up at St James Park, to pick the team up after selling their brightest prospect last January. His next challenge will be to keep these players together with the big teams seemingly circling for Djemba Ba and Cheikh Tiote. Overall Grade – A

Stoke City
Stoke City are the walking, talking example of how playing sexy attractive football gets you no-where in life. They maybe about as pleasing to the eye as a drunken, toothless, hobo, but they get the job done. They scrap, they fight, they grind out results and they stick two massive fingers up to everyone along the way as they are doing it. And the most intriguing thing about Stoke City is that they are gradually getting that little bit better each season. Where will they be in ten years time? who knows? Champions League? Oh god….. Overall Grade – B

Norwich City
When the canaries first got promoted back to the EPL, two things crossed my mind: Is there really any chance they won’t go straight back down and that I hoped in dear hell that we had another priceless Delia Smith moment. So far, neither are true. Norwich have surprised everyone, apart from their own fans, with their form in the first half of the season and are currently in the top half of the table. Their form has been so good due to their own ‘Holy Trinity’ of Holt, Morison and Pilkington. Bravo Paul Lambert, well done. Overall Grade – B+

Sunderland
If there was over any doubt about the role of a manager in the modern game, then those doubters should look at Sunderland. Under Steve Bruce, they looked like a relegation threatened side with players desperately out of form. In comes Martin O’Neill and suddenly they are looking like a solid unit again. This was amplified by being the only team to take three points off the leaders this season. If they strengthen their team in January, who knows where they could end up. Overall Grade – B-

Everton
Its hard for me not to admire Everton and the job that David Moyes is doing at Goodison. Clearly operating on a shoestring budget, no funds to strengthen the team and then lose arguably your best player on deadline day to Arsenal. Yet somehow, Everton find themselves in 11th at the mid-way point of the season. Can you imagine what Moyes could do with ‘King’ Kenny’s budget? Overall Grade – B+

Swansea City of Wales
Hands up who had Swansea pegged for the bottom spot of the EPL and automatic relegation? Ok now hands up who is currently eating a huge slice of humble pie, courtesy of the Swans? If you answered no to either of those questions you are either a Swansea City fan or a liar. Thanks to Swansea, the league has a new cult hero in Goalkeeper Vorm, who’s displays so far have been commendable to say the least. The second half of the season is tough for newly promoted teams but all signs point towards the Swans sticking around for another season. Overall Grade – B

Aston Villa
Remember when Villa had Martin O’Neill, one of the most exciting young teams in the EPL and seemingly were heading for a top six position? Oh sorry Villa fans, touchy subject? I honestly don’t even know where to start with Villa. Lets just say its all gone a bit ‘Pete Tong’ and they have collapsed in a biblical fashion. How long before we mention Villa in the same breathe of Sheffield Wednesday, Nottingham Forrest or the like? Overall Grade – E

Fulham
Every single week, when I have completed the EPL report, I sit down to tag the post with the name of every team in EPL. Every single week I get to 19 teams and struggle to think of the one I’ve missed, 90% of the time that team is Fulham. For that reason, I couldn’t tell you much about their season except they angered Wenger last week. Overall Grade – C?

West Bromwich Albion
West Brom confuse me so much. Their league table seems to suggest they have had a fairly average season so far, but the life of me I don’t know why? In Odemwinge and Long, they have a fairly decent strike force. Their captain, Chris Brunt, is a hell of a player and vastly under-rated in my eyes. They have former England GK Ben Foster between the sticks, and former everyone manager Roy Hodgson at the helm. So whats the crack? No really? Can someone tell me? Overall Grade – C

Wolverhampton Wanderers
“Must try to be objective, must try to be objective”………. Mick McCarthy is a giant tw*t! DOH! Now I’ve got that out of my system, maybe I can start to review them. Lets face it, they are doing exactly what they do every season, and what we’ve come to expect from Wolves. They are surviving, nothing more, nothing less. Last season they clung on by the skin of their teeth and this season is likely to be more of the same. They are the modern day Coventry City…. Overall Grade – C-

Queens Park Rangers
A team managed by Neil Warnock, enshrouded in controversy, where have I heard that before….. Again, no one really expected QPR to do anything this season but, regardless of whether they stay up or not, they are keeping us entertained. With their new chairman in place, chances are they’ll bring new faces in during silly season. Lets hope they sign Joey Barton a new playmate. Overall Grade – B-

Bolton Wanderers
How the hell has Owen Coyle still got a job? I’ve joked about this all season but in all seriousness, HOW THE HELL HAS OWEN COYLE STILL GOT A JOB? They have had some truly diabolical results this season, and with Gary Cahill seemingly already one foot out of the door, you have to question how will Coyle turn this around? Overall Grade – D

Wigan Athletic
Last season saw Roberto Martinez and the Wigan team pull off a survival trick that Bear Grylis would have been proud of. This season it is looking like they may have to pull off something similar as they are already in deep water. They have shown signs recently that they may be able to pull it off, with the team showing a certain fighting spirit. Only time will tell though if Martinez is a magician or just simply a clown. Overall Grade – D-

Blackburn Rovers
Oh dear, dear me. Blackburn Rovers, one of only four teams to ever win the EPL, have turned into the leagues standing joke. Their chicken factory owning owners have plunged the club into deep trouble. Their manager, Steve Kean, has felt the full wrath of the fans seemingly since the start of the season. The abuse has been so bad that rival managers have come out and commented on the level of demonstration towards the manager. Obviously, a win at Old Trafford changed that for all of twenty minutes as Steve Kean was pronounced the greatest manager ever born. Overall Grade – F (and stay behind after class)

 

Already posted mate!

 

i would give swans an A-.......An A because of the way we have done better than the bookies and punters said we would.
And a - for some of the games where we were going backwards and could have picked up more points if we played a more attacking game...