Off Topic Mental Health

It's mental health week, so I thought I would share my personal experience and encourage anybody who might be struggling to drop me a line if they want. I don't care if you take the piss, think it's self indulgent, that's fair enough, but this is solely for the person out there who may need someone to talk to, share a common experience with and know they are not alone.

At 14 my Father told me if it wasn't for me, my effort and support, he would have killed himself. He then proceeded to leave the room and take the dog for a walk

A year before my parents divorced and the man that had put everything into his family had it ripped apart. I chose to stay with him, and at night I would hear him crying through the walls of our home and I'd stay up thinking about how I could make everything alright. That was my first experience of mental health issues.

Fast forward a few years, I work in financial services, one of the most prevalent industries for male suicide statistics. I work all hours, make more money than my Dad ever made, a nice home and a beautiful girlfriend, the target I had always set myself to achieve "happiness". Except things got on top of me, the long hours, the strain my work was having on those I love, and about 3 months ago, I wanted to end my life. I felt numb as I told my girlfriend I had made the decision and felt disassociated from the world around me. Thankfully, a lot of talking with her and reassessing, and I have started enjoying life again.

If anyone out there does need someone to talk to, I can't promise I will make things ok for you, but I am here to talk, just drop me a message.

 

It seems this country is finally waking up to the fact that an awful lot of people have mental health problems. The last time I had anything 'major' was when my missus had a miscarriage about sixteen years ago and I ended up slipping into three months of what I would describe as sitting in a dark cupboard trying to get out. I was lucky, I got better. A lot of others don't.

 

Respect fellas x2.

 

**** off with this ****e, man up. Does this look like the ****ing Sunderland board?

Seriously though, respect for speaking out and offering people an ear. The more who do, the less we will have people suffering in silence. That is the real killer. I have only had two periods in my life where I felt things were spiralling. One was related to health issues where the NHS failed me badly, the other was when my father passed. The former was a 2 year battle when I lost time and almost everything else as I battled against an archaic system unwilling to listen. The latter was simply a 6 month period where I went through all the facets of grief from loss, to guilt, a sense of loss of direction, to feeling the pain of my mother becoming too much for me. In both circumstances I was extremely lucky to have my partner beside me who was tough and understanding in equal measure.

I think you do get better at processing things as you get older. We are getting better at talking. However it can strike at any time. I have a mate who's 60 odd year old father has suddenly developed a fear of everything. He sees the worst in everything and is forever expecting something bad to happen. I believe his problems are rooted in alcohol and a relationship which is clearly not fulfilling as his partner has developed what I see as undiagnosed extreme agoraphobia. She literally leaves the bedroom for only short spells. That has left him isolated and lonely. He has turned to drink and going for a pint to get some company.

You're still a **** though mate.

 

Striving for happiness is a difficult thing.

What is happiness?

Learning to accept things that happen in life for me is the key. Things happen, this is life. Death is part of life. My father died 4 years ago. I think it changed me quite a lot.

The little things that would piss me off before just don't bother me now.

 

Life's tough I've always had issues with depression anxiety

 

As a child I lost my father to cancer - he died on the wednesday, cremated on the friday, back to school on the monday. No support in 1995
As a man I lost my daughter - a week after her death we got a 3 sentence letter from the hospital. We tried to contact you (no you didn't). What do you want done with the baby (she has a name?). If we don't hear from you by such a date we will dispose of the body - No support in 2017

For all this Mental Health Awareness you still get no treatment from the NHS (sorry you can get drugs). When my daughter died I was referred to have cognitive behaviour therapy - my first appointment was 6 months later - helpful! It turns out that CBT is for those past the grieving stage.

I'm one of those guys who keeps it all in (probably from hearing an Aunt say to my Mum "he's strong, he'll be ok") so going to talking sessions with other people is a waste of time for me yet I cannot afford proper councelling as the cheapest is about £50 for 30 minutes!

I was at the doctors last week discussing it and guess what still No support in October 2018

But on the plus side teh country is going to have a £!20M party for leaving the EU; oh and it's a royal wedding today that has probably cost the tax payer a shed load of cash. Oh and judges have just been given a 32% pay rise..... I could keep going on

 

Its nice to see people talking about their realities rather than hiding it away. I think many people suffer without speaking up.

**** that it takes courage to speak up and it takes courage to get through life no matter who you are or what situation you're in..

People like piers Morgan wouldn't last 5 minutes in my world.

 

My wife is an Occupational Health Adviser. Essentially she started out as a nurse and then specialised into this area. She deals with employees who are absent from work for one reason or another and looks to try and get them back into full time work. She works for a large organisation and essentially is he Senior OHA which means she gets all the more difficult cases to sort out.

From what she tells me the number of cases for mental health issue absences have over the years increased significantly from when she first started. Partly, the fact that people now are beginning to recognise the symptons and accept that it is an issue and partly people being more prepared to say it's a mental health issue rather than something else. Which is a good thing.

Women are in a better position because they talk to each other but men are still way behind because it's "...not what a man does". The sooner people generally accept there are such things as mental health problems and do not stigmatise others who have such a problem then the sooner we can start to ensure everyone who needs help can access it. DPP's story is disgraceful. (Not you DPP but what happened to you. . Try and inject a little bit of humour...probably inappropriately... sorry ) It shouldn't happen to a dog.

I respect all those who are "man" or "woman" enough to tell their tale as CC says it does take courage to do so.

 

Here's the thing with young blokes and mental health...i doubt anyone 16-24 age group (and older) would waltz into a doctors surgery and admit to having anxiety or depression. People suffering should be able to access help online. If they can't at present then the authorities need to get their act together.

 

The authorities offers ZERO support regardless of age

 

Also should point out that you mentioned 16-24 year olds - I would say that they are more likely than the 30-50 year old males!

 

Great thread this JPF

Suffered all my adult life..good spells and downright awful spells.. (supporting the toon doesnt help ..the unremitting pain and anguish involved )

Bounced off hard on CBT 3 times ..talking therapy DID help some..but its expensive and hence easier to throw drugs at the problem and paper over the cracks and hope it goes away..the NHS is great IF you can get talking therapy (took me 3 years of fighting for it to get it)..but like everything else under this foaming at the mouth, swivel eyed government..its all sound bites and lies re funding /actually adressing an issue (they appoint a 'minister' for suicide prevention yesterday..a 'minister' who has consistently voted the party line on slashing the NHS/ Housing/social security etc etc...all of which can lead to mental health issues...the smell of hypocrisy and venality is strong in the air this past 8 years)

Positive stuff that has helped me:

Am currently a director of a local mind..they always want and need and would welcome ..anyone getting involved at whatever level you can commit too (mine is a couple of hours a month, usually)

Mindfulness..did a course on it..and its wierd..it felt like ..yeah so what, at the time of doing it..a year later you kind of realise how fundamentally life changing it is at a low . almost unnoticed, level

Exercise and diet: foundation blocks..the ****e/sugar/processed carbs really fecks your head up. Strongly recommend 'soft exercise' Yoga/ Tai Chi ..not just for the actual exercise, but, for the medative/shut the brain off and give it a break aspect ..works for me but your mileage may vary

Finally..(particularly for the oldie males amongst us) don't keep it bottled up ..talk, be open, be honest, doing that is half the battle and its ok

 

I suffer from GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) but more focus on health anxiety. Been taking medication for around 15 years off and on. At times was going to the doctors at times 2-3 times a week with total fear of having something wrong with me, that was in my early to mid 20's. Leaving the doctors I would be reassured that there was nothing to worry about but my stupid brain would start to convince me that there was by the time I stepped through my front door. I must have cost the NHS a fortune. My anxiety is not as acute or a strong nowadays, more chronic, just waiting for the next 'worry'. Worry which has transferred to my 5 year old daughters health. I hardly dare pick her up in case I feel an imaginary lump somewhere. I tend to stay aware from focusing on her neck in case I think Ive seen an enlarged lymph node. Like I say I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, probably would have topped myself by now if I had have been, but its still there, lingering at the back of my brain, rather than the front. I'd like to add that my GP has been fantastic, he never got sick of me, others would have banned me.

 

It's disgraceful.

 

I think a lot of people could combat their condition better if they knew that the things that can happen to them are normal and common. If you think you are going to die from a heart attack, go and do a five mile power walk or a three mile run. I bet it wouldn't kill you but you just might be bolstered by that.

 

I found Talking Therapy to be a waste of my time (And theirs) solely because it is designed to help at later stages. For example, my grief hasn't been dealt with so Talking Therapy wouldn't have worked so why I was referred to them and why they said yes to me was bizarre. Also Private CBT is better than NHS CBT from my experience - for a start they actually give you techniques to try and help. On the flip side, private care is far, far worse than the NHS in my experience.

 

God knows, mate. Suicide, apparently, is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Shocking.

 

It is shocking - yet the government will still not do anything about it.

 

Totally get what you are saying ..Mental health problems are not a one size Fitz Hall ..which is why its so hard to treat the symptoms ...I did talking for 2 years weekly..they were great and it did help and work-ish ...for me (or at least removed some of the more nasty destructive edges)

What really makes me furious is a lot of 'treatment' is focused on treating the symptoms/when someone is in crisis and not the causes ...there is no broad vision, and. more importantly ..no desire.. to head potential issues off at the pass before that 'crisis' point .. If more time, effort and cash was focused on that ..ie ****e housing/ ****e punishment based social security/ ****e cheap sugar/carb loaded food / ****e insecure working conditions and pay etc etc etc ...sort those out and you stop 75% of the issues arising...and then you can really focus on people. like yourself, that need(ed) that ..intensity and flexibility of assistance at the time of crisis for you.. ie a specialist in grief counselling ..or ..or ..or ..whatever works and would of helped you when you really needed it

(Dont want to presume about how you and your family are doing atm DPP ..but our local mind is just rolling out a specialist grief counselling service.. yours might be doing the same as its a new ..thang/push..from national mind ...hang in there and fight for what you need and do whatever works for you and when you have found it..keep doing it! ...sending positive vibes to you and yours)