Off Topic Mental Health Discussion Thread

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by Steven Toast, Oct 21, 2018.

  1. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    10,928
    Likes Received:
    6,758
    Pre-covid I volunteered with a charity (not in Hull unfortunately) which provided support to people suffering loneliness via meetings, phone calls, drop-in sessions etc. What I learned from that is that contact is important and valuable but it mustn't become oppressive for the receiver or too demanding for the giver. In your shoes I think I'd arrange to call the chap at arranged times, that way he can be prepared for it, or he can choose not to answer. It's also ok to ask him if he wants you to call at all. But do consider what it means to you, it's unlikely to be easy. You might be taking on a responsibility you ultimately don't want or you might find it all a bit stressful if the chap never responds or engages with you, or if he starts to become dependent on you.

    Good luck.
     
    #801
  2. Qatartiger Cambridgetiger

    Qatartiger Cambridgetiger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    7,606
    Likes Received:
    4,228

    Does your mate like football is a City fan? Just a long shot though you could point him towards 606. Certainly gets you generally chatting. I don't mean specifically this thread but on here you can't fail to pickup on it. That might open a door for him.

    As I say it's a long shot.

    All the best for you and your mate.
     
    #802
  3. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    17,806
    Likes Received:
    11,490
    Thanks for the advice Plum:emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #803
  4. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    17,806
    Likes Received:
    11,490
    That had crossed my mind, he's never been a regular City fan but does go from time to time. Worth mentioned to him anyhow, thanks:emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #804
  5. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2011
    Messages:
    17,806
    Likes Received:
    11,490
    Thanks for the advice, it's a pity I'm not back home, as it would be easier to try and do some of the things you suggest. Nevertheless, I will try to see if I can get his interest rekindled in Golf which he used to be an avid participant in.
     
    #805
    DMD likes this.
  6. DJBlackandamberarmy(No4)

    DJBlackandamberarmy(No4) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    7,072
    Likes Received:
    5,143
    i think this raises a good point, we are all getting better at asking people how they are doing, etc but we all just hope for the reply, yeah im good thanks.
    how often do we even listen to the answer or know what too say if it comes back not as expected ...., people do it too me all the time, ask me how i am and if im having a **** day i say , im **** actually ( usually just having a bad day, nothing serious) but very rarely does anybody follow that up and ask why or make sure it is just a **** day and nothing more serious happening . they just laugh it off with soon be weekend and then carry on saying what they were going too say anyway,
     
    #806
  7. dennisboothstash

    dennisboothstash Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2011
    Messages:
    17,792
    Likes Received:
    23,325
    Some great advice so far
    I’m no expert at all, and I’d appreciate any of the people on here that are, and there are some, to correct where needed, but as DMD said pointing people towards professional help is important as well as being an untrained good friend (and I’m not saying that isn’t important. It really is)
    I have some experience of family and friends who have depression, and it can be difficult and hugely different from one day to the next.
    I think sending messages is good, but accept you may get no reply, and that shouldn’t stop you sending them occasionally though.
    Similarly if you ring him and he doesn’t answer don’t take that personally or even worry too much, try again in a few days. That day he might be in a different place and answer.
    Take it slow, but as he’s opened up and told you he’s struggling then try keep some dialogue if possible.

    Look after yourself too by the way. Trying to help can take a toll, especially as your remote

    PS. If you ever feel that thrashing someone at golf would help him then I’m here as the ideal solution to help!!!
     
    #807
  8. DJBlackandamberarmy(No4)

    DJBlackandamberarmy(No4) Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    7,072
    Likes Received:
    5,143
    #808
  9. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2011
    Messages:
    8,151
    Likes Received:
    5,384
    Tough few days. Wife has struggled with the chemo and has been in hospital since Sunday. It’s all mentally numbing. Got to spend twenty minutes with her yesterday. It was like visiting prison.
    Now I am conflicted. I missed the last couple of home games and planned to come up to the next two. Everyone says go to the games. The wife should be out on Friday and our daughter will stay. But…
     
    #809
  10. Cambstiger

    Cambstiger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2013
    Messages:
    669
    Likes Received:
    588
    Nothing is more important than family, nothing.
     
    #810

  11. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2011
    Messages:
    8,151
    Likes Received:
    5,384
    The dilemma is that everyone including the wife is telling me to go to the game. But I feel guilty about even thinking about it. It’s one of those catch 22 situations. I would like to go and everyone says go, but it’s really as you say family first.
     
    #811
    SW3 Chelsea Tiger likes this.
  12. Kempton

    Kempton Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Messages:
    23,523
    Likes Received:
    17,250
    It's extremely difficult Tom, that goes without saying. But just remember to look after yourself too. Your missus needs you to be the loving husband you always were.

    Maybe that looking after yourself part, is going to the game x
     
    #812
    FER ARK, askewshair, Cortez91 and 3 others like this.
  13. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    10,928
    Likes Received:
    6,758
    A lot of things are more important than football. I'd say this is one of them. But if you do stay don't do it with a long face or your family will feel guilty then!
     
    #813
    Help! likes this.
  14. Cambstiger

    Cambstiger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2013
    Messages:
    669
    Likes Received:
    588
    Difficult decision to make but remember that what women say is not always what they mean. Not being sexist, just ask any married man.
    She wants you to continue life as normal as possible I sure that is why she’s suggesting you get to the game. You’ll earn massive bonus points just by being with her, city will be there next week.

    Remember this is only my opinion.

    All the best.
     
    #814
    Kempton likes this.
  15. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    10,928
    Likes Received:
    6,758
    #815
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2021
    Kempton and Sir Cheshire Ben like this.
  16. DMD

    DMD Eh?
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    47,950
    Likes Received:
    32,895
    I feel for you.

    Just my opinion, and ultimately only you can decide, but I think that if you go, I suspect your good lady will be on your mind, which is possibly not a good thing given the journey you'll have to make, but perhaps it'll help recharge your batteries.

    So, how about a compromise? I doubt a local pub would show the game, but taking yourself in to another room, with a few tins of beer, and chatting to others about the game either personally if anyone local is interested, or on-line, could fit the bill?
     
    #816
  17. SW3 Chelsea Tiger

    SW3 Chelsea Tiger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    4,542
    Likes Received:
    5,348
    Great idea Dutch,
    ToM - it’s a huge drive when you’re mentally preoccupied
     
    #817
  18. The Omega Man

    The Omega Man Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2011
    Messages:
    8,151
    Likes Received:
    5,384
    Normal doesn’t live in my house.
    Just picked the wife up from the hospital. She is quite a lot better although she needs to rest. Just about the first question she asked was “are you going to football?” We have decided to see how the next 30 hours or so go.
     
    #818
  19. Chazz Rheinhold

    Chazz Rheinhold Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    47,726
    Likes Received:
    31,149
    She definitely wants you out of the house mate <laugh>
     
    #819
  20. Ron Burguvdy

    Ron Burguvdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2011
    Messages:
    8,271
    Likes Received:
    7,583
    Another opinion only, (if all okay in 30 hours) go, feel guilty (get some really nice flowers on the way back and anything else..)

    watch the game...

    come home you'll have something different to talk about and bring some 'normality/ respite from the situation' into the home.

    She might actually 'like' the break and within herself feel like she's doing something for you

    Just a thought
     
    #820

Share This Page