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Massive's Advent Calendar...

Discussion in 'Bristol City' started by wizered, Dec 2, 2013.

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  1. wizered

    wizered Ol' Mucker Staff Member

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    * December 1st...

    Its December and I bought a Jehovah's Witnesses advent calender. Every door I opened someone told me to **** off

    * December 2nd...

    Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning - wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out

    * December 3rd...

    My advent calendar has just crashed. I have too many windows open.

    * December 4th ...

    I stole an advent calendar today....I got 25 days.

    * December 5th...

    Feeling greedy, I've already devoured my entire Team GB advent calendar. Tom Daley wasn't inside any of the flaps.


    * December 6th...

    My Operation Yewtree Advent calendar I bought is ****ing brilliant. Stuart Hall behind yesterday's window, Jimmy Saville behind today's window. Can't wait to see who it'll be tomorrow.


    * December 7th...

    I've got this year's Scouse advent calendar. You get into it through twenty five slightly ajar windows.

    December 8th..

    * It was christmas eve, a couple doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared. She phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?"

    In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went in 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace,that we could not afford ,and i said one day i would get it for you?"
    Her eyes filled with tears,"yes I remember" she said. "Well I'm in the pub next door to that."


    December 9th..
    Just opened my advent calendar and there's a picture of Manchester United.

    Must be the 9th.

    10th December..
    I've got to say I am very disappointed with my UK Border Agency Advent Calendar.

    All the ****ing doors have been left open.
     
    #1
    wizered, Dec 2, 2013
  2. wizered

    wizered Ol' Mucker Staff Member

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    massive, we need 1 every day....<laugh>
     
    #2
    wizered, Dec 2, 2013
  3. tiger-emyrs-wolf

    tiger-emyrs-wolf Well-Known Member

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    Surprised not sooner tbh
     
    #3
    tiger-emyrs-wolf, Dec 2, 2013
  4. Captain Jack Sparrow

    Captain Jack Sparrow Pirate Forum Moderator

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    great jokes from sickipedia <ok>
     
    #4
    Captain Jack Sparrow, Dec 2, 2013
  5. Shinycitylad7

    Shinycitylad7 Looking at the stars mate

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    ohhhh whatta bitch!
     
    #5
    Shinycitylad7, Dec 2, 2013
  6. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    stick to the thread please CJS
     
    #6
    MassiveAttack, Dec 2, 2013

  7. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    I stole an advent calendar today.

    I got 25 days.
     
    #7
    MassiveAttack, Dec 3, 2013
  8. RedorDead

    RedorDead Well-Known Member

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    You've got 22 days to redeem that poor effort for humour, if they don't improve you can go onto JGF lighthearted thread.
     
    #8
    RedorDead, Dec 3, 2013
  9. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    My advent calendar has just crashed.

    I have too many windows open.
     
    #9
    MassiveAttack, Dec 3, 2013
  10. OTIB

    OTIB Well-Known Member

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    That new Josef Fritzl advent calendar kept the kids quiet for days ... No windows or doors.
     
    #10
    OTIB, Dec 3, 2013
  11. OTIB

    OTIB Well-Known Member

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    My Jimmy Savile advent calendar is ****. The flaps only open from 1-16
     
    #11
    OTIB, Dec 3, 2013
  12. RedorDead

    RedorDead Well-Known Member

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    Better, read OTIB and take notes please, remember JGF is waiting for a friend <ok>
     
    #12
    RedorDead, Dec 3, 2013
  13. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    And don't get the Jim Morrison Advent Calendar either.

    The Doors keep breaking on through to the other side.
     
    #13
    MassiveAttack, Dec 4, 2013
  14. glenngregory

    glenngregory Active Member

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    Sounds like an open and shut case to me
     
    #14
    glenngregory, Dec 4, 2013
  15. smhbcfc

    smhbcfc Well-Known Member

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    After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F
     
    #15
    smhbcfc, Dec 4, 2013
  16. DicksOut

    DicksOut Member

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    Now that's worth the admission on its own.
     
    #16
    DicksOut, Dec 4, 2013
  17. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    Feeling greedy, I've already devoured my entire Team GB advent calendar. Tom Daley wasn't inside any of the flaps.
     
    #17
    MassiveAttack, Dec 5, 2013
  18. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    My Operation Yewtree Advent calendar I bought is ****ing brilliant.

    Stuart Hall behind yesterday's window, Jimmy Saville behind today's window. Can't wait to see who it'll be tomorrow.
     
    #18
    MassiveAttack, Dec 6, 2013
  19. manxrobin

    manxrobin Well-Known Member

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    could it be William Roche, or could it be Rolf Harris, or could it be Cyril Smith -- possibly not he will fill the next twenty windows...
     
    #19
    manxrobin, Dec 6, 2013
  20. MassiveAttack

    MassiveAttack Well-Known Member

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    I've got this year's Scouse advent calendar.


    You get into it through twenty five slightly ajar windows
     
    #20
    MassiveAttack, Dec 7, 2013
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