http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport...united-to-renew-pact-with-satan-2013110881000 THE Red Devils are to renew their longstanding deal with Satan in a ceremony before their home game this Sunday. The club, who first began worshipping Satan in the 1930s because they couldnât afford new kit, owe their astonishing success over the last 25 years to a pact brokered by Sir Alex Ferguson. New manager David Moyes will invite the Horned One back to the heart of the club by drawing an inverted pentacle on the Old Trafford pitch before the Arsenal match. Club ambassador Sir Bobby Charlton said: âWeâve always had strong links with Hades, culminating in the loan of senior demonic torturer Roy Keane, and itâs great to reaffirm that before a home crowd.â Ryan Giggs, who after retirement hopes to become an Archduke of Hell, said: âPeople put my longevity down to self-belief, extra training or opposing playersâ terror of my otherworldly Welshness. âPersonally I think itâs all about focus, commitment, and my pre-match ritual of bathing in the warm blood of six virgins.â Lucifer has agreed that United will progress to the European Cup final against Barcelona, during which the pitch will split open and a clawed hand will drag Lionel Messi down to a realm of eternal torment. Moyes said: âAs part of the deal, our fans will spend an eternity burning in unimaginable agony in return for the Premier League titles and European Cups they enjoyed in life.â Liverpool fan Stephen Malley responded: âIâm not sure about that. It doesnât sound harsh enough to me.â
Satan sent Judas to score against the best team in the premier league. so why not partake in the dark=side ?
