Mackem jokes...

Not really a Geordie, more of a Geordie admirer!


Why does a Mackem lass wear knickers?

To keep her ankles warm!









What's the difference between a Mackem and a supermarket trolley?

A Supermarket trolley has a mind of its own!







What's the difference between a bus full of Mackems and a hedgehog?

A hedgehog has has all the pricks on the outside!




What's the difference between a Mackem and a broken clock?

A broken clock's right twice a day...



A burglary was recently committed at Sunderland's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a red carpet.




Sunderland fans, don't waste your money on yet another replica team strip. Simply strap a large plastic penis to your head. It will then be perfectly obvious to everybody which team you support.





The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Sunderland are going to win the Premier League." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"




Q: What happens when a Mackem takes Viagra?

A: He gets a bit taller.




Q: What do you do if a Mackem throws a grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.




Two Sunderland fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says

"Hey, I know that bloke"

The second one picks it up and says "Of course you do, you thick twat - its me!"




Q: Why do NASA send their astronauts to train at The Stadium of ****e

A: It's the only place in the world with no atmosphere!







Post yours...

 

Couldn't better those!

 

Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?".

Little Boy: "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his arse and cum in his gob".

Teacher takes him outside, "Is that true?".

Little boy: "No miss, it's bollocks. He plays for Sunderland but I'm too embarrassed to say".

 

Excellent!

 

The glory of Sickipedia and football jokes, you just need to change the name!

That one was originally about Derby County .

 

Rep.

 

Bit cheeky all things considered

I quite like this one though ...

 

Have rep for all of those jokes, really made my day.

 

Connor coup proves Sunderland have the edge over Toon
June 30, 2011
WOW. Yes really, wow.

For the first time in living memory, with the playing field level, Sunderland can outspend Newcastle.

This is far more significant than the battle for 10th place in last season's Premier League that Steve Bruce and his side took so late in the day.


Prize guy... Sunderland won the race for Engand Under-21 star Connor Wickham That was merely a sideshow to a half-decent season for both teams.

Sunderland landing Connor Wickham for £8.1million (rising to £12m) is far more dramatic.

Because Newcastle were fans of the 6ft 3in striker. And Newcastle had the England Under-21 forward watched.

But unlike Sunderland, they could not back up that admiration with cold, hard cash.

Whether that was through necessity or through prudence is fairly irrelevant.

When the two North-East big guns went head to head, Sunderland could spend big when Newcastle couldn't.

And no Newcastle fans can argue that that is not hugely significant.


If Newcastle have had one overwhelming superiority in the North-East it has been in terms of their transfer market prowess

Two years ago, when Steve Bruce persuaded Darren Bent to head north, their rivals were in meltdown following relegation.

Last summer Sunderland did sign Asamoah Gyan for £13m but even then, Newcastle were a newly promoted side and they did not need a centre-forward.

This time they did - and indeed still do - and they were blown out of the water by their local rivals.

Believe me, that will hurt.

If Newcastle have had one overwhelming superiority in the North-East it has been in terms of their transfer market prowess.

In 1996 Kevin Keegan sat alongside Alan Shearer at St James' Park and 15,000 locals danced in the rain in the Leazes End car park.

When the campaign started he was paired with £6m Les Ferdinand.

Sunderland started that season with Paul Stewart up front, who had moved to Roker Park on a free transfer in March the same year.

The transfer divide has been huge for two decades. Gyan and Bent aside, Sunderland have only ever once stuck their water into the murky waters of a £10m-plus transfer. It was for Tore Andre Flo, who was a disaster.

Newcastle, by contrast, had Michael Owen, Shearer, Albert Luque, Obafemi Martins, Laurent Robert, Fabricio Coloccini, Hugo Viana and Jean-Alain Boumsong all costing in excess of £10 million.

That mixed bag alone should act as a timely reminder that spending huge amounts of money guaranteed Newcastle nothing more than a pile of headlines and a fair amount of heartache.

They have won nothing in recent times, as have Sunderland.


Landing Wickham is perhaps the greatest achievement of Quinn's time at the club

And yes, if Mike Ashley, Derek Llambias and Graham Carr have unearthed genuine quality at really good prices - and they may well have done, according to those who have watched their French signings regularly - then a huge fair play and well done.

But bragging rights are pretty much all Sunderland and Newcastle supporters squabble over.

And right now they belong to Sunderland.

When Niall Quinn took control at the Stadium of Light five years ago, his adopted football club were heading to League One.

Newcastle began that season in the Premier League with the £10.5m Oba Martins having just arrived from Inter Milan.

To have the spending power and ambition to see off Newcastle, Liverpool and Tottenham to land Connor Wickham is perhaps the greatest achievement of Quinn's time at the club.

A good, young coveted English player heading to the North-East as well is also an enjoyable enough story on its own.

PS: YES, I am getting older, yes I am getting more picky. I'm trying not to be but it's not easy. Some things I can no longer let slide.

The Premiership stopped existing four years ago. It has been the Barclays Premier League ever since.

And Blackpool's Scottish international is called Charlie Adam, not Adams as some, and I think Harry Redknapp is among them, often incorrectly call him.

Now that feels better.

 

We decided not to buy Wickham because £12mill is a ridiculous amout to sepnd on an unproven teenager. And even if he does well, he'll be sold after a year or 2 to a bigger club (bigger than both of us).

And we bought all of those expensive players because we had a knobhead in charge at the time. And we all agree that the last thing we want is to go back to that time when we spent huge amounts of cash on unproven, useless players.

 

Q. How many Mackems does it take to change a light bulb?






A. Three—one to hold the light bulb and two to turn the ladder.

 

"What's the difference between a Mackem and a supermarket trolley?

A Supermarket trolley has a mind of its own!"



However, you'd get considerably more food in a Mackem.

 

A mackem comes in work on a Monday morning, crying his eyes out. "What's wrong?" asks a colleague. "I've had a some terrible news this weekend, me mam, wife and sister have died". "Oh, that's awful" replies his colleague "what happened?" "She got hit by a bus!" says the mackem.

 

have some rep for that.

 

Haha much better! I don't find the interchangeable "insert football team here" jokes funny at all but that one's a belter saying as inbreeding is a mackem speciality.