‎50 Shades of Green and Grey.
Declan appeared in the doorway, beads of sweat dripping down his pasty forehead and on to his 2005/06 Celtic home shirt. "That f****n lifts knackurt again. Sooner we get oot these flats the better. That's twice this week ah've hud tae come up aw they f****n stairs wi a load a' this copper piping me an' John Paul robbed fae that auld h** school!"
"Aye", croaked Bernadette, resplendent in her Larsson King of Kings t-shirt and purple velour jog pants. "Ah'm pyoor sick a' trailing they seven weans up and doon they stairs an aw! Wee Mary Theresa puked up her Greggs sausage roll earlier efter gettin' tae the 12th flair! Anyhow nevermind that, her, wee Declan, Jinky, Henrik and Josephine are in the bed, Martin's away tae get me ***s and Erin's oot trying tae score so we've got peace. 'Mere an' get me pumped!", she demanded, loosening her hair from the greasy scrape back ponytail it had been in for three days. "Ah've shaved ma pie n everyhin!"
"Might as well. Canny watch the telly efter that orange basturt up the stair caught us stealing his Sky." said Declan, as he lifted his green and off white hooped shirt to reveal a scrawny set of ribs, three stab wounds and a tattooed portrait of Pope John Paul II. Bernadette forced the stained velour jog pants over her somewhat oversized hips.
"Huv yoo nae scants oan?" quizzed Declan. "Aye", screeched Bernadette, " Ah've goat a thong oan - ye just cannae see it for ma belly". With that the sweaty pair embraced and launched themselves on their purple leather DFS sofa, upon which all payments had been defaulted. "Ye can pit it up ma digger if ye want" remarked Bernadette. "Any mair weans and we'll struggle tae make the giro stretch tae a full week's chicken nuggets in Farmfoods."
The mere mention of anal sex brought back all of those terrible memories for Declan. He lashed out and caught Bernadette with a right hook and began to reach for a nearby length of liberated copper piping...
To be continued.
Declan appeared in the doorway, beads of sweat dripping down his pasty forehead and on to his 2005/06 Celtic home shirt. "That f****n lifts knackurt again. Sooner we get oot these flats the better. That's twice this week ah've hud tae come up aw they f****n stairs wi a load a' this copper piping me an' John Paul robbed fae that auld h** school!"
"Aye", croaked Bernadette, resplendent in her Larsson King of Kings t-shirt and purple velour jog pants. "Ah'm pyoor sick a' trailing they seven weans up and doon they stairs an aw! Wee Mary Theresa puked up her Greggs sausage roll earlier efter gettin' tae the 12th flair! Anyhow nevermind that, her, wee Declan, Jinky, Henrik and Josephine are in the bed, Martin's away tae get me ***s and Erin's oot trying tae score so we've got peace. 'Mere an' get me pumped!", she demanded, loosening her hair from the greasy scrape back ponytail it had been in for three days. "Ah've shaved ma pie n everyhin!"
"Might as well. Canny watch the telly efter that orange basturt up the stair caught us stealing his Sky." said Declan, as he lifted his green and off white hooped shirt to reveal a scrawny set of ribs, three stab wounds and a tattooed portrait of Pope John Paul II. Bernadette forced the stained velour jog pants over her somewhat oversized hips.
"Huv yoo nae scants oan?" quizzed Declan. "Aye", screeched Bernadette, " Ah've goat a thong oan - ye just cannae see it for ma belly". With that the sweaty pair embraced and launched themselves on their purple leather DFS sofa, upon which all payments had been defaulted. "Ye can pit it up ma digger if ye want" remarked Bernadette. "Any mair weans and we'll struggle tae make the giro stretch tae a full week's chicken nuggets in Farmfoods."
The mere mention of anal sex brought back all of those terrible memories for Declan. He lashed out and caught Bernadette with a right hook and began to reach for a nearby length of liberated copper piping...
To be continued.
