Living with your bird makes you realise how thick women really are

Came home last night to find she had put the latch over the door and went to sleep with earplugs in so she wouldn't hear the neighbours coming in. This also meant she couldn't hear me chapping the door and slept through her phone ringing

I had to sleep in the landing and ate my chinese out the box with ma bare hands

 

Kick her **** in.

 

I made her clean up the rice I spilt all over the landing.

Thinking about taking a shite in her pillow.

 

I don't think its all women in general, just your stupid bird.

 

Last night actually Mickelback and another on Tuesday there.

 

I think she was probably just pissed off with you going out and getting drunk while she had to stay in.

It was all done deliberately to put you off going out again.

<knowyourenemy>

 

I very much doubt you've ever pulled a bird with a single stroke of intelligence. Only daft cows would dare let you bang them.

She doesn't mind me going out, not all women are paranoid nutters who want their blokes to stay in every night. They are all just thick as pig shite in a syringe.

 

Well no, women just say they don't mind you going out without them when they actually hate it.

<youknownothingofwomen>

 

And you don't have your own key?

Mammy doesn't do all of those things any more ya hapless peasant.

 

Does anyone understand women?

Let me explain to you how a latch works. If you have a key to a door, you can usually place it into the lock, turn and enter. However if a latch such as the one on my door is in operation it will jam the door at entry stage thus preventing you from entering the property.

Happy to help out the stupid, next weekend's lesson is how a tin opener works

 

He said she put the latch on the door. By that, i assume he means she locked it from the inside/ put the chain thing on.

He is scottish so he might have forgotten how doors work.

At least he's not a virgin like that scrotumless little weasel joker

 

Couldn't give a **** about the latches tbh.

Hoy! -apron strings! Always leave with a way to open the door, even when you're pissed

 

Joker wouldn't know a woman if it seen one. He's an ass bandit from Plymouth FACT.

 

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UP THE RA

 

Women don't like their men going out for a night on the piss.

 

I was only winding ya up. No need to say such hurtful things. The bird I banged on Tuesday is an acountant (who was a stripper for 3 days! BOO YAA)

Thats exactly how I felt. Tried to go for number 3 last night but I was too mangled to even put the effort in.